I KNEW IT. Enron and......ARGENTINA<lol>
<ENRON ADMITS IT'S REALLY ARGENTINA
Now Massive Ineptitude, Corruption Make More Sense, Analysts Say
satirewire.com
Houston, Texas (SatireWire.com) — On the brink of collapse due to gross
mismanagement and insurmountable debt, energy company Enron today confessed to what
many observers had long suspected: it is actually Argentina.
Congressional leaders, who have called for an investigation into
the biggest corporate failure in U.S. history, immediately
dismissed Enron's claim, but Argentinians weren't so sure. "The
shady deals. The crazy debt. I knew there was something
familiar about those guys," said Banco del Argentina director
Ernesto Caballo.
Enron chairman and CEO Kenneth Lay, speaking through an
interpreter via phone from Buenos Aires, apologized for any
confusion the subterfuge may have caused, and noted that as a
sovereign nation, the company was immune from U.S. prosecution. Lay also insisted that
he had not "fled" to Argentina, but had returned home to the capital to visit "mi familia."
While not directly stating it, Lay also hinted that he might in fact be Argentinian President
Fernando de la Rua. Reached in Buenos Aires, de la Rua admitted he couldn't rule that out.
"Things are pretty crazy around here. Who can say?"
But Enron creditors, clients, and shareholders, who stand to lose billions over their
exposure to the company, weren't buying any of it. "While they may act like it, they are not
a South American country, and Ken Lay is not the President of Argentina," declared J.P.
Morgan Chase spokesman Alex Firtilly. "They are a malfeasant U.S. corporation that has
potentially caused us to lose $500 million. And Ken Lay is from Missouri."
"¿Como?," Lay replied. "No hablo Ingles."
Recently ranked as high as No. 7 on the
Fortune 500 list of the largest U.S. companies,
Enron literally ran itself into the ground by
fudging its books, making secretive deals that
enriched company insiders, and relying too
heavily on debt. Though it was formed in 1986
with the merger of Houston Natural Gas and
InterNorth, Enron became Argentina only
recently, said Lay, "on the advice of our
attorneys."
That counsel came none too soon. As a South
American state, all pending U.S. and
European lawsuits are rendered harmless. And
the company escapes what had been a daily
fusillade of scorn from its former home.
Indeed, much as the French were baffled by America's obsession with President Clinton's
sexual affairs, many South Americans say they don't understand why Enron and its leaders
have been vilified. As former Colombian President Ernesto Samper explained: "In the United
States, you look at corruption as an abomination We look at it as an art."
EXTRADITION DENIED
The U.S. State Department has refused to recognize Enron as Argentina, and a spokesman
said the Bush administration has officially requested the extradition of Lay and the officers
who allegedly fled with him. Argentina, however, denied the request, explaining that an
entire country cannot be extradited. And besides, they added, Lay had pledged to help pay
off the nation's $132 billion debt.
Asked where the bankrupt Enron got such a sum, Lay explained that after proclaiming its
nationhood status, the company had received an emergency IMF loan. An IMF spokesman
later confirmed the payment.
"From what we knew of their fiduciary practices, Enron appeared to have all the hallmarks of
a typical IMF fundee," said IMF communications director Nestor Svingen. "At first, we did
balk when they asked for $232 billion, but when they explained that some of the money
would go to repay overdue IMF loans, we thought, 'Oh, that's all right then.'"
"Not that we actually expect to see any money from anyone," Svingen added. "It's just this
little game we all play. Great fun if you like numbers. Do you enjoy quadratic equations? I
could do them all day."
Asked what Enron/Argentina had pledged to do with the extra $100 billion it requested,
Svingen said the application had specified funding for "civic infrastructure improvements."
"That usually means the president is going to build a palace," Svingen explained.> |
