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To: BirdDog who wrote (44946)	12/10/2001 12:09:24 AM
From: Dealer	Respond to of 65232

The Saudi Ambassador to the U.N. has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets his American counterpart. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America" The American says "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you I will do." The Saudi whispers "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians and Blacks and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek." The American laughs and leans over. "That's because it takes place in the future." (No E-mails please, Don't mean to offend I thought it was......whatever...dealie)

To: BirdDog who wrote (44946)	12/10/2001 3:31:11 PM
From: stockman_scott	Respond to of 65232

From The Late Night Joke Archives... Leno Wow! Geraldo goes to Afghanistan – and three days later the Taliban surrenders! The lawyer for American Johnny Walker, who was captured fighting for the Taliban, now says that his client is not a fanatic but he joined the Taliban because where in America can you find 72 virgins? In Little Rock, Arkansas, today the groundbreaking for The Clinton Presidential Library was held. This place is going to be something else, I guess – I hear Clinton is staining the wood himself. The Detroit Lions are 0 and 11, soon to be 0 and 12 after this weekend. The good thing is that they're not peaking before the playoffs. Vice President Dick Cheney now considers the Detroit Lions' end zone a secure and undisclosed location. The government is telling everyone to be on high alert and to report anything unusual. Hey, that's not so easy here in L.A.! The government also said today that they will fund millions to close down terrorist organizations. Yes! The IRS is finished! Have you seen the new Gyroscope Scooter? This thing is supposed to revolutionize the transportation industry. Hey, if you want to revolutionize transportation, how about a third X-ray machine at the airports for starters? This scooter weighs 60 pounds and can go about 12 miles per hour, so it's a Geo Metro, basically. U.S. troops have captured an American man who was fighting for the Taliban. Have you heard about this? The man was from the United States and went to Afghanistan to fight for the Taliban. His mom says he was born in D.C. and his father is a lawyer – well, gee, no wonder! He already had terrorism in his genes! Now that he's been captured he says he just wants to go back to his old job – which was airline security. John Ashcroft is taking a lot of heat for these new strict laws of finding suspicious people. I think perhaps he has taken it a little too far, like today he locked up all the members from the band Foreigner. President Bush runs three miles a day. He stays in shape. But that's not so big - Osama bin Laden runs about 50 miles a day! Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge is telling Americans to report anything suspicious right now – like the Detroit Lions scoring a touchdown. Do you know why it's so easy to clone Hillary Clinton? Because the eggs are already frozen! John Walker, the American that was fighting for the Taliban, has been captured. His mother was on the news last night saying that he shouldn't be punished because he has been brainwashed. Have you seen this guy? I don't think anything has been washed! He looks like Charles Manson with a bad hangover. Geraldo, as you know, is in Afghanistan covering the war. He has said that given the chance he would shoot Osama himself. Today Osama bin Laden said, "Hey, if I run into Geraldo, I will shoot my own self!" Today in Arkansas Bill Clinton broke ground for his presidential Library. He picked an appropriate day to do it – Wednesday, hump day! More details are out on this Johnny Walker kid, the American who fought for the Taliban. Even the Afghan people say he was eccentric. That's when you know you're nuts, when people that live in caves tell you so. In fact, he was so crazy that the terrorism school he went to said he was on a full scholarship. Good news for Michael Jordan – his MRI came back and his right knee is OK. The bad news is that he has to go back to playing for the Wizards. You know the difference between U2 and the Detroit Lions? U2 will actually be playing at the Super Bowl! _________________________________ Letterman Please do not applaud! It could circulate the anthrax spores! Maybe we shouldn't be joking about this. People are worried and scared silly about this anthrax. Like last night I was paying my date – and she was afraid to open the envelope. We keep learning more about this Osama bin Laden. Turns out he has a sidekick – Mini Laden. It's the holidays! The Harry Potter movie is the big thing right now. It's already made like $250 billion in business. New York City has Harry Potter fever. Like today I was walking through the park and I saw a squirrel cast a spell on its nuts. Afghanistan is upside down. The people in Kabul are now looking to get into the television business after being set free. What a coincidence – so is CBS! Experts are now saying that Osama bin Laden will probably make it through the winter. How is he going to be able to do this? Well, they think he'll survive by eating the food in his beard. ________________________________ Conan The NFL says that the Super Bowl might be held in New York this year. Mayor Giuliani hopes that New York does get the Super Bowl so he can help get New York ticket scalpers back on their feet.