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Politics : Ask Michael Burke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: JHP who wrote (93860)	1/4/2002 10:57:36 AM
From: TimF	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 132070

U.S. ATTEMPTS TO LURE OSAMA WITH AD IN PERSONALS Evildoer Has Not Had a Date in Months, CIA Believes In an abrupt change in strategy, the U.S. military today announced plans to lure Osama bin Laden out of hiding by running a torrid personal ad guaranteed to catch the al Qaeda kingpin's attention. The ad, penned by a team of top CIA agents, aims to trap a man who, in the estimate of top intelligence officials, has not had a date in several months. "Quite frankly, we're betting he's as horny as a marching band," said one high-ranking CIA source. The agency-crafted personal ad reads as follows: "READY TO DO SOME EVIL? Hot, slender thirtysomething single female megalomaniac looking for tall, skeletal globe-threatening madman to share the good life: hiding in caves, making spooky videos, and jihad! No smokers, please." The CIA has placed the ad in newspapers in Kandahar, Tora Bora and, based on a long-shot tip, Boca Raton, Florida. While top military brass in the U.S. are said to be bullish about their unorthodox new tactic, terrorism expert Clark Renfield, author of a recent bestselling book about bin Laden, is openly skeptical. "After weeks of allied bombing, Osama bin Laden is a desperate man," Renfield said. "But I don't think he's desperate enough to respond to a personal ad." The Borowitz Report Dot-Comedy Award Winner - 2001 Best Humor Columnist on the Net borowitzreport.com