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Politics : PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: gao seng who wrote (214846)1/4/2002 7:11:45 PM
From: gao seng  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 769670
 
Hillary's(tm) Temper on Parade, but Buddy Bites Back

January 2000



[NOTE: All of us at BSNN were saddened to hear of the untimely passing of our favorite Clinton, Buddy the Dog. True to form, it appears that the Clinton's had left the pooch unattended and unleashed in violation of Chappaqua's leash law. So in memoriam to the one honest Clinton on the planet, we re-post this old story as proof that the last time Buddy broke free was not the first time.]

WASHINGTON -- Rumors of Mrs. President Clinton's volcanic temper have been around for years, but a recent and heretofore unreported account of a Hillary(tm) tantrum has animal rights activists fuming. As if it weren't enough that Hillary(tm) insisted on de-clawing the First Feline, Socks, now she faces charges of abusing Bill Clinton's dog Buddy.

BSNN has learned that during a recent weekend visit to the White House, Hillary(tm), was dressing for church when Buddy the dog came into the room and relieved himself on her traditional Sunday overcoat. An enraged Hillary(tm) began beating the defenseless pup with a lamp.

A Secret Service agent on guard told BSNN that he could hear Mrs. Clinton screaming, "You have ruined my coat you &$#*() bastard, now I have to wear this hideous yellow thing."

"From the sound of the whaling, I assumed the first lady had caught her husband in a compromising position with a maid or something," the agent said. "Had I known it was Buddy she was beating I would have gone in and stopped her."

Buddy, however, would have the last word in this argument.

As Mr. and Mrs. President Clinton were returning from church, Hillary(tm) noticed a group of tourist outside the iron fence surrounding the White House grounds, so she walked over to say hello. As Bill Clinton approached the White House portico Buddy was released to go greet him. But instead of running to meet the president, Buddy shot off like a rocket toward Hillary(tm).

"He looked like a big, chocolate cheetah," remarked one shocked bystander. "I've never seen a dog move so fast. He was just a blur."

About 5 feet from reaching Mrs. Clinton, Buddy leapt from the ground and soared toward her backside, grabbing her right buttock with his clenched teeth and refusing to let go. Hillary(tm) cried out in anguish as Secret Service agents pried Buddy's jaws apart. Mrs. Clinton was taken to the White House medical care center and treated for 42 puncture wounds.

Members of PETA's governing board are considering a proposal to retain counsel for Buddy, in hopes of filing civil and criminal charges against the first lady.

When asked to comment on the incident, New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani said, "When you show up in the Senate, you can't beat your colleagues with a lamp if they do something to make you angry."

bsnn.net