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Politics : Foreign Affairs Discussion Group -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: frankw1900 who wrote (16523)	1/16/2002 3:18:17 AM
From: Nadine Carroll	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 281500

A funny column from the Jerusalem Post: INTERESTING TIMES: A tall tale By Saul Singer (January 14) News item: Palestinian Authority Chairman Yasser Arafat pledged to US Secretary of State Colin Powell that he would launch a "full investigation" into the Karine A, the ship seized by Israel as it was smuggling 50 tons of Iranian weaponry to the Palestinians. Arafat to his security chiefs: Thanks for coming on such short notice. As you know, I don't get out of Ramallah too much lately. So let's get right to this investigation we promised the Americans. Who sent that ship full of weapons to us? Chief: What do you mean, boss? We've been waiting for that ship for months! Arafat: Just kidding. Guess I'm getting a bit stir crazy here. When all this blows over, we'll have a real investigation into which [expletive deleted] tipped off the Israelis to our ship! But for now we've got a big problem. Where do we stand? Chief: It doesn't look too good, boss. The Americans were just beginning to buy the idea that the cease-fire you declared was real. Now they catch us smuggling an arsenal fit for an army, and over a ton of C-4 explosives for our brothers in Hamas and Islamic Jihad, may they blow themselves up in crowded places. Arafat: So how can we deny all this? Chief: Well, as you saw on Israeli TV, Col. Omar Akawi from our navy is telling anyone who will listen that he was delivering the weapons to us, and that he was getting orders from Adel Moghrabi, who everyone knows is in charge of arms supplies and reports directly to you. Arafat: What do you think - I'm an idiot? I know they caught us red-handed. But the Americans are still pretending that there are doubts that I knew about all this. Powell said that I bear "a heavy burden to deal with these charges [and] with the evidence as it comes forward." But if they wanted to blame me for the shipment, then why would they ask me to investigate it? They are obviously willing to play dumb. We just have to find some remotely plausible explanation to help them along. Chief: Well, boss, it seems that your suggestion that the Israelis simply made all this up, and that it would have been easier to buy the weapons from Israeli soldiers, isn't getting much traction. Arafat: So you have a better idea? Chief: I read that one American official pointed out that it would be strange for the Iranians to suddenly start selling us tons of weapons when they have always worked through Hizbullah, Hamas and Islamic Jihad. Arafat: God love the Americans, always a step ahead. And such short memories, too. Amazing how they forget that we had close ties with Ayatollah Khomeini when he took over in Iran. But could the Americans pretend that I hadn't patched things up with Iran just like I did with the Saudis and others who cut me off for backing Iraq against them? Chief: Worth a shot. The Americans, after all, have been ignoring the joint operations between Fatah and Islamic forces and your own constant praise for "national unity." If they continue to ask us to "crack down" on the Islamic forces with whom we publicly meet and reach clear understandings, why can't they continue to act as if Iran is our enemy? Arafat: Done. We'll tell the State Department that the last thing we would want would be to be dependent on our common enemy, Iran. Next, we'll say that we are punishing Moghrabi for carrying out a rogue operation - in any case we need to punish him for getting caught! Chief: Brilliant as always, boss! Arafat: Not so fast, chump. Don't forget that I didn't order those weapons for my health - we needed them to bring the conflict to its next stage. As things are going now, everyone will get the impression that the Israelis have beaten us. You geniuses had better figure out how we can get back to where we were at the beginning of this intifada: attacking the Israelis and the world blaming them for it. So long as the international community considers me indispensable, the game is stalemated, the unity government could fall, the memory of September 11 could fade, and we could be back in business. We should learn our lesson like the Iraqis did in 1981: When Israel destroyed their reactor, they just started doing the same thing on a smaller, more concealable way. jpost.com