Wednesday January 23 10:54 AM EST
Media Person: No, Enron Isn't Near Iran
A lot of concerned americans are looking at the news these cold winter mornings and wondering, "Exactly when did it come about that the big story stopped being the War Against Terrorism and started being The Enron Scandal?" Also, they are asking, "What is the Enron Scandal?" as well as the companion question, "Who is Enron?" Then there are those who ask, "Are there bearded evildoers involved in the Enron Scandal who we can toss into cages and broil in the hot Cuban sun?"
The answer to all these questions is: "Yes, except for the beards."
Right now, as a service to all those busy, confused readers who are too confused or busy to closely follow the rapidly unfolding developments of the fast-moving progress of the quickly expanding scandal, Media Person is here to answer every other possible Enron question anyone could ever have.
What or who is Enron?
Enron is a stealth corporation that helped develop the trick of becoming one of the biggest, most important companies in the world without having any actual product or service. It employed thousands of workers, whose jobs mainly consisted of sending memos to the company's president, warning him that something fishy was going on.
If Enron didn't make anything, how did it get rich?
Creative accounting, great public relations and most of all, the ability to go out every day and make another new deal! That plus the nutty '90s bull market, in which the less profit a company made, the higher its stock flew. Yeah, but what did Enron do that was wrong?
Depends what you mean by "wrong." Some people feel that it wasn't exactly ethical that the company's top executives cashed in their stocks and made billions when they found out the whole thing was about to collapse while the workers weren't allowed to get rid of the Enron stock in their retirement plans and lost their shirts. Other people insist something not strictly kosher was going on when the company's accountants shredded most of the papers after auditing Enron. Still others consider it improper that by paying out billions of dollars, Enron had practically every politician in the country in its pocket. But "wrong?" That's kind of a harsh word to throw around.
Who is "Kenny Boy?"
"Kenny Boy" is the nickname given to Enron's CEO Kenneth Lay by his ex-close friend President Bush (news - web sites), although it would be totally unfair of you to infer from this familiarity that the two ever met. True, it's a pretty lame nickname, considering the humorous possibilities inherent in the name "Lay." But then, no one's ever confused George W. with Oscar W.
Who is Arthur Andersen?
Arthur (Artie Boy) Andersen is a what, not a who. It's the name of the accounting firm that lived on an entire floor of the Enron Building. Its duties included destroying any papers that might upset Kenny Boy, as well as preparing tax returns for Don King and Robert Durst.
Is Enron a big scandal or a little scandal?
Yes, that's the question, all right. So far, the answer depends entirely on whether you are a liberal or a conservative. If you are a conservative, Enron is just a two-bit hoo-hah that will blow over now that Enron has found a scapegoat executive to can, and anyway, there is no proof the Administration was involved in any wrongdoing, and besides, it's all Bill Clinton's fault. If you are a liberal, on the other hand, then-Wow, is this great or what? At last, revenge! Worst disgrace since Teapot Dome. Cancer-on-the-Presidency time. Where's the special prosecutor? Sic 'em, boy! Tear 'em up!
But isn't the real scandal much bigger than just one company? Isn't this really about the stench of crony capitalism, American-style, a system where big corporations dictate government policy, and conflicts of interest are totally ignored by the Bush Administration while it also weakens regulatory rules, allowing companies to make millions and ignore pollution problems?
Why won't Dick Cheney (news - web sites) come clean about the six meetings he had with Enron before its collapse? What's he trying to hide?
Whatever became of Osama bin Laden (news - web sites)?
That's better. "Osie," as his close friends call him, has turned into one of those mythical creatures such as Elvis, Santa Claus or Dick Cheney, who may occasionally be spotted in a supermarket checkout line, on CNN's Crossfire or in a dream sequence in a David Lynch film but seeming to have no actual corporeal substance. When a person attains such iconic status, whether he is dead or alive becomes irrelevant (except possibly to him). Osama is The Enemy and he is Out There. And so, to lunch.
-- Lewis Grossberger
Read more at Mediaweek.com |
