<<The Clinton years saw he FBI disintegrate into chaos... I doubt there is much trouble here for Bush.>>
I remain terribly amused at the seriousness with which folks take their partisanship; it hardly matters which side is taken.
If I have it correctly, Dubya useta snort coke in his terrorist-supporting carefree days before he got addicted to Austin-fried inmates while he was an Elder in the Church of our Lady rife with Warbucks, whose minister practiced compassionate goodoldboyism. Then he discovered alcohol.
He joined the military, was transferred to Mississippi, where he went AWOL to work on whatsisname's campaign while one brother was scamming the savings & loan industry, another brother was getting his political hacks in a row to assure Dubya's ascendancy to the throne and their Daddy was working feverishly behind the scenes smuggling drugs for arms to that wacky ayatollah. After buying off McCain, he went to a concert where Sandra Day & the Supremes were performing, bought them off, and was erected as President.
Like Clinton with woman, Dubya never saw a pristine patch of real estate he didn't want to drill, so he & his buds (actually his nannies) immediately began setting up strawmen on evidence he couldn't reveal without compromising sources, so they could plunder the four corners of the globe for black gold.
Now, after setting a course guaranteed to rain bombs on every country on the planet eventually, he's gotten over his aversion to nation building and plans to rebuild them so everybody can experience a democracy that works just as sweet as the Texas Legislature after its nooner with Ken Lay.
Have I left out anything? Oh yeah, Wild Bill...
Wild Bill Clinton, who rose from poverty to become rich white trailer trash, moved to that terrorist hideout called Great Britain where he immediately became a draft dodger who led violent anti-war demonstrations just so he'd have a new place to spit. He woulda done Jane Fonda but she was engaged so he probably did Peter just before changing his mind and asking to be drafted.
He married a college sweetheart whose chief liabilities seemed to be a penchant for bad real estate deals, loyalty to her husband and fat ankles, but that's okay, she can be satanized as quickly as it takes to say "Fat-Ankled Whitewater Feminazi Friend-Killer Ice Queen."
After leering at Princess Di, Wild Bill poked Fergie, the Queen, the Queen's Mum, took a pass on Iron Maggie and returned to the States to plot his accession to the throne. He set up his power base in Hickville Hollow because everyone in the state was his cousin by blood and began earning the princely sum of $35K a year as its Gubnor.
While diddling Daisy Duke, he began setting up the radical wing of the Democratic Party called The Center where he could steal the best initiatives of both sides and call them his own, plus it doubled his available base of potential boinkettes.
After giving the longest speech of his adult life at the 88 Demo Convention, he achieved his aim as everyone promptly forgot the nominee, whatsisname. He also didn't have sex with delegates from all 50 states, who gave him bjs but didn't inhale.
He continued to study saxophone by mail. And during the Eighties, he secretly became an African-American because he thought he could get more that way. His piece de resistance was frying a convicted retard to prove he was tough on retarded convicts.
After ascending to the throne, he decided to get in good with the dogfaces by sending in a buncha interior decoraters to redo the barracks. This immediately caused half of the Best & the Brightest to become demoralized and quit.
Wild Bill then began inviting every trollope he could find to the Lincoln Bedroom, male, female, animal, vegetable or mineral. His cigar bill quadrupled.
He started sending the military on dubious peacekeeping missions to places like Haiti instead of Grenada. He began plotting to overthrow the US intelligence services by simply making stupid appointments. With each Director he appointed, half of the Best & Brightest quit and the rest immediately began resembling Keystone Kops.
All the people who quit went from noncoms to dotcoms, riding those horseys to the top while donating delirious sums of money to the Democratista Party.
He hired Ally Oops' sister to be his Attorney General just in time for the Waco shindig, who approved the blackest mark on his career by burning up live people because their views differed. Conservatives were outraged that he didn't use a Daisy Cutter.
He undermined our nation's youth by hiring a Surgeon General who told them to wear rubbers in wet weather. He failed to take out OBL, because he wasn't his type.
He got the Jews & Palestinians to play Pretend Peace and got the Protestants and Catholics so involved in it they forgot the pretend part.
He failed to kick Somalia's butt like Reagan kicked Lebanon's, and sent a gilt-edged invitation to OBL to kick our butts.
When he appointed a director to oversee welfare, half of those recipients also got demoralized and quit. The remaining half became teenage immigrant mothers on dope.
Becoming the most investigated guy in US history, he was finally found guilty of an actual crime, lying about a Bimbo Ballet that made the plots of porn videos seem realistic by comparison.
After balancing several budgets, and paying down the national debt, while the nation's economy boomed, he had the gall to take credit for what Reagan & Bush the Elder actually caused.
Outflanking Gingrich and getting re-elected over a war veteran he spent his lame duck term taking cash from foreigners, going to court and getting laid.
Since then, he moved to a new 'hood where he's still not inhaling, still boogyin', still plotting ways to bring America to its knees for a quick bj and his conservative opponents are still trying to impeach him.
It will take a decade and $550 bazillionjillion dollars to rebuild our national security forces to protect us from everyone except the dimwit airport screeners who'll be checking the bungholes of elderly nuns to be fair to terrorists.
That about covers every legit and cheapshot partisan dig I've heard from either side, but I'm sure they'll be repeated by the veteran fisherfolk who love nothing better than casting a line to see what's biting daily. |
