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Politics : Sharks in the Septic Tank -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (44219)	2/17/2002 11:49:51 PM
From: c.horn	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 82486

Thank You for your kindness.

To: The Philosopher who wrote (44219)	2/18/2002 10:02:26 AM
From: average joe	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 82486

Finally, a real law firm that promotes client interest! "Powers Phillips, P.C., is a small law firm located in downtown Denver, Colorado within convenient walking distance of over fifty bars and a couple of doughnut shops. Powers Phillips also maintains a small satellite office-in-exile on the cow-covered hillsides near Carbondale, Colorado, where it puts out to pasture some of its aging attorneys. The firm is composed of lawyers from the two major strains of the legal profession, those who litigate and those who wouldn't be caught dead in a courtroom. Litigation lawyers are the type who will lie, cheat and steal to win a case and who can't complete a sentence without the words "I object" or "I demand another extension on that filing deadline." Many people believe that litigation lawyers are the reason all lawyers are held in such low esteem by the public. Powers Phillips, P.C. is pleased to report that only three of its lawyers, Tamara Vincelette, Patricia S. Bangert, and Tom McMahon, are litigation lawyers, two of which are women. Lawyers who won't be caught dead in a courtroom are often referred to in the vernacular as "loophole lawyers," underhanded wimps who use their command of legal gobbledygook to scam money from the unsuspecting, usually widows and orphans. Many people believe that such "loophole lawyers" are the reason all lawyers are held in such low esteem by the public. Powers Phillips, P.C. is pleased to report that only three of its lawyers, Kathy Powers, Mary Phillips, and Jay Powers, are such "loophole lawyers" and one of them, Jay Powers, hardly does anything at all anyway so he doesn't really count. Powers Phillips is somewhat peculiar in that three of its lawyers are, to put it most politely, uppity women, who through various shenanigans and underhanded schemes control the firm. However, this has not resulted in undue hardship on the male lawyers who are generously allowed a five minute coffee break every other day (so long as they continue to ponder client matters and continue billing accordingly). The unusual predominance of uppity women has led the firm to publish, when sufficient funds are available and the writers are sober, an explanatory newsletter, The Bitches From Hell Reporter. A number of our readers, noting the infrequent publication of the newsletter, have wondered if we are still alive. For those readers we are publishing here reports of some of the unusual incidents that have occurred at the firm since the publication of our last newsletter issue (click on <BFH News Flash>). If we can remember, we will publish reports of any other bizarre incidents of note at the firm as they occur. Readers who wish to be notified by e-mail of any reports of such incidents should sign up (click on <BFH Newsflash Sign up>). Our newsletter is not even the worst thing we publish. To look at a few of our other hokey creations click on "Other Hokey Stuff." Prospective clients should be assured that the woman-controlled nature of the firm in no way lowers the quality of legal services. Indeed, Powers Phillips' slogan from the very founding of the firm has been "we're every bit as incompetent as any male-owned firm." As would be expected of an organization of our eminence, we are frequently asked questions (FAQ) by those of lesser understanding about important matters, such as how to work with token males, whether to color your hair, how to avoid paparazzi, and why hemlines get shorter as shoes get clunkier. (Click on BFH FAQ). The firm maintains a strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy with respect to the sexual proclivities (if any) of its lawyers. Thus, we cannot report with any degree of certainty the extent or variety of sexual proclivities (if any). However, there is a substantial likelihood that a number of lawyers in the firm are practicing sexual proclivities. The firm regards this as a private matter so long as it does not unduly interfere with the firm's internship program, male or female. Powers Phillips offers the safety of smoke free conference rooms (upon appropriate advance notice). In addition, the firm maintains a strict policy in opposition to the overuse of illegal drugs. Powers Phillips is proud to report that none of its lawyers are presently under indictment (although there is the possibility that one or more of our lawyers has been less than forthcoming about the current status of his or her criminal record)." b-f-h.com