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To: maceng2 who wrote (83166)	3/11/2002 6:56:15 AM
From: E. Charters	Respond to of 117019

Apparently the New York Times was having a disappointing money-raising session with some disgruntled would-be bond holders when the editor in chief turned the meeting around with these observations: "Granted the Internet has cut advertising revenue of daily papers by 65% and most newspapers are facing being bought out by multi-media chains, but there are some things the Internet will never do! 1. The Internet cannot be used to wrap fish. 2. The Internet cannot be used to train puppies. 3. When it gets cold in the park, the internet makes lousy insulation or blankets. 4. You cannot use the Internet to start fires in the family fireplace. 5. The Internet does not have an editorial page that no one reads. 6. Letters to the editor on the Internet are non existent, so they cannot be faked to generate controversy. 7. The Internet does not have to maintain a legal department to tell it the limits of what can be said in order to defame a political enemy without cost. 8. No one cancels their subscription if they see a lie in the Internet. 9. You can never improve your status in public by being seen reading the Internet. 10. The Internet has no crossword puzzle that can be left solved to impress lowlifes and riff-raff. 11. The Internet is completely absent from doctors' offices. 12. Delivery of the Internet to homes cannot be accomplished for free by enticing schoolchildren to do it for lunch money. 13. No one ever caused a relative to swell with pride or cry softly by saying the were mentioned in the Internet. 14. No one has ever said, "well it must be true, I read it in the Internet." 15. When the Internet gets wet, it doesn't stick to things and weigh about one hundred pounds, making it useful as ballast in dinghies. 16. When news is reported a day late on the Internet, it does not still seem up to the minute and informative. 17. People are not aware that the stock quotes are not a day late reading the Internet. They are also not aware that they can now reading stock quotes without bifocals. 18. You cannot strike up a conversation at a train station by asking someone if they are finished with that section of the Internet. 19. Your dog cannot fetch the Internet. 20. The Internet has never misquoted anyone or demanded and got an exclusive interview in order to misquote them with impunity. 21. The Internet has never said, "according to informed sources", to give the impression that its sources are unimpeachable but not nameable, in order that people would never question its news as possible propaganda. At least it has never done that and been believed. 22. No one has ever accused the Internet of being lackies of a corrupt administration and shameless promoters of political conservatism at the expense of basic humanity. There will always be a New York Times! EC<:-}