Re: 3/21/02 - [USXP] Obvious parody press release fools morons
By: blowininthewind $$$$$
21 Mar 2002, 03:10 PM EST
Msg. 189560 of 189579
News - March 21, 2002 Universal Express
USXP Introduces Overnight PeoplePak
March 21, 2002 - BocaVista,FL — Universal Express stunned the air travel and commercial shipping industries today when president and CEO Richard Altomare unveiled plans to begin shipping live humans as early as April 2002, offering frugal travelers the lowest airfares in U.S. history and sparking heated controversy among top industry professionals.
The new service, Overnight PeoplePak,® will rely on the same rock-solid infrastructure and delivery history that have turned USXP into jailhousehold words, as well as breakthrough technology developed exclusively for the international shipping giant. Through an exclusive agreement with AT&T's Bell Laboratories, scientists and engineers developed the proprietary PeoplePak shipping envelope, which will protect human cargo from the rigors of overnight shipping while still permitting practical global air travel for as little as US$89 each way.
The new envelopes measure 7'×3'×10" (empty) and are designed to accommodate a single adult male or female up to 230 lbs. Roughly comparable to an oversized sleeping bag, the revolutionary containers consist of multiple layers of synthetic polymer insulation — wrapped around a rigid fiberglass skeleton designed to prevent serious injury from stacking or accidental dropping — and a porous outer "skin" to improve airflow to occupants. Additionally, a flexible flame-retardant membrane just beneath the surface protects travelers from the hazards of flight in non-pressurized cargo aircraft.
Bell Labs expects to have a child-size container available early next year, and plans are reportedly underway for scaled-down models that could accommodate mid- to large-sized domestic pets.
While expensive to manufacture, costing nearly $17,000 apiece, the envelopes are designed to be reused up to 1,000 times, and Altomare is betting thrifty travelers will prefer the moderate inconvenience of traveling in a dark pouch to being gouged by ever-rising airline fares.
"I'm confident the Overnight PeoplePak service is something Americans have been wanting for a long time," said Altomare, speaking at a press conference at USXP headquarters. "Since 1984, USXP has proven its delivery reliability again and again, and with today's rising airline costs spiraling out of control, we feel now is the perfect time to give travelers a new option."
ALtomare deftly removed the velvet cloth covering a PeoplePak standing nearby and was met with thunderous applause and gasps of amazement. He then stepped down from his podium as other executives began escorting members of the press to the giant envelope for closer inspection.
Even as threatening letters and phone calls began pouring into Altomare's office from outraged airline executives and FAA officials, the stoic executive remained confident.
"I fully expected these reactions from the airline big boys," he stated firmly. "After all, it's my intention to take millions [of dollars] out of their pockets, if not more."
"And as for the FAA," he continued. "They're always like this. A couple people accidentally explode during decompression testing and suddenly they're all over your ass. But I'm sure they'll come around by April."
In an effort to exploit the class competition among airline passengers, USXP will offer three tiers of PeoplePak service. Basic service will offer only the pouch and guaranteed next-day delivery; Extra® will include a pack of peanuts and heating controls in the envelope for added comfort; and Max® — the PeoplePak equivalent of First Class — will feature a myriad of in-pouch storage pockets for travelers' personal effects, a battery-powered reading light, a Lunchable® snack treat (including juice box), and an ultra-compact Porta-Pottie.
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: dead-sexy0
21 Mar 2002, 03:11 PM EST
Msg. 189561 of 189579
Anyone notice Yamoose's $$$$$$ thats because RB sent the warning and the bashers created all the NEW $$$$$$
What a facting scam...These bashers are...
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: dead-sexy0
21 Mar 2002, 03:14 PM EST
Msg. 189562 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189560 by blowininthewind.)
I just sold my stock because of that fake news release. I am reporting you to the SEC.
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: usamightyman
21 Mar 2002, 03:15 PM EST
Msg. 189563 of 189579
BASHERS RESORT TO FALSIFYING PRESS RELEASES!!!
WILL THE LIES EVER STOP??????
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: bellagioguest
21 Mar 2002, 03:16 PM EST
Msg. 189564 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189562 by dead-sexy0.)
What? fake?! what do you mean?
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: usamightyman
21 Mar 2002, 03:16 PM EST
Msg. 189565 of 189579
NEW EMAIL NOTING THAT WE THINK THE LAST DUMP OF 242K AT BELOW BID IS THE BOTTOM HERE. THE LIST MANAGERS AND PICK SITES MAY FRONT LOAD AGAIN.
PAY ATTENTION.
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: bellagioguest
21 Mar 2002, 03:17 PM EST
Msg. 189566 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189563 by usamightyman.)
not true? ya sure? what makes you think?
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: dead-sexy0
21 Mar 2002, 03:17 PM EST
Msg. 189567 of 189579
Last person that did that is in Jail...SEC message sent. They do not take false news releases lightly.
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: bellagioguest
21 Mar 2002, 03:19 PM EST
Msg. 189568 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189562 by dead-sexy0.)
You sold based on that fake news report. Damn, I just bought stock based on that fake news report! Who has the SEC's phone number?
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: bellagioguest
21 Mar 2002, 03:20 PM EST
Msg. 189569 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189560 by blowininthewind.)
blowininthewind: you in big trouble, boy.
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: blowininthewind $$$$$
21 Mar 2002, 03:21 PM EST
Msg. 189570 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189562 by dead-sexy0.)
deadsex, AMAZING how fast you verified and the sold (in a matter of seconds) that the OBVIOUS SPOOF was yes, I HAVE BEEN CAUGHT RED HANDED..............a fake press release!!
But WHY do you not verify and "REAL" press releases actually put out by the company? What about partnerships? What about Joint Ventures? Lets say a certain $52 Million Joint Venture? Or perhaps the announcement of offering for sale WorldPost territories for $80,000 each?
NOW......You have had OVER A YEAR FOR EACH to allow you a THOROUGH RESEARCH.............what are the answers? Anything "MATERIAL" that the company should have reported??
Blowin...................
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: usamightyman
21 Mar 2002, 03:21 PM EST
Msg. 189571 of 189579
FORWARDS POST TO SEC, ARE THEY LAUGHING?
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: bellagioguest
21 Mar 2002, 03:22 PM EST
Msg. 189572 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189571 by usamightyman.)
You are an idiot.
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: blowininthewind $$$$$
21 Mar 2002, 03:23 PM EST
Msg. 189573 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189567 by dead-sexy0.)
deadsex, thank you for sending to SEC. They WILL ADD THAT to the folder.............along with many other press releases............and some other material as well I AM SURE.
blowin........................
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: gravel
21 Mar 2002, 03:26 PM EST
Msg. 189574 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189565 by usamightyman.)
Seems to me that dumping below the bid is showing favoritism and is highly unethical.
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: dead-sexy0
21 Mar 2002, 03:30 PM EST
Msg. 189575 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189570 by blowininthewind.)
Don't be mad at me...You posted the False Release and people have acted on it...Looks like big trouble for you sonny...Thoughts?
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: maewyn_succat
21 Mar 2002, 03:30 PM EST
Msg. 189576 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189560 by blowininthewind.)
ROFLMAO. And cripes, these USXP losers have NO sense of humor!
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: usamightyman
21 Mar 2002, 03:32 PM EST
Msg. 189577 of 189579
WE'RE LAUGHING, IT WAS FUNNY, BUT DOES NOT FOLLOW THE BASHER CREED TO ALWAYS POST THE TRUTH.
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: YaMoron $$$$$
21 Mar 2002, 03:34 PM EST
Msg. 189578 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189575 by dead-sexy0.)
Another dead STUPID post.
ROTFLMAO
Ya
ragingbull.lycos.com
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By: DC-Steve $$$$$
21 Mar 2002, 03:34 PM EST
Msg. 189579 of 189579
(This msg. is a reply to 189560 by blowininthewind.)
LMAO! The Answer, my friend, comes through with another fine spoof.
What's really funny is that if USXP had put out that same PR, verbatim, bbnuts would declare it reason to buy another 1248 shares and stock_smart would gleefully offer it as further evidence of universal appeal and the impending big boom.
ragingbull.lycos.com
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