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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Doug Coughlan who wrote (23232)	4/7/2002 3:30:17 AM
From: Doug Coughlan	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62554

A newlywed couple had only been married for a few weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to get out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he says to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." "Where are your going, coochy cooh...?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar pretty face, to have a beer." The wife says, "You want a beer, my love?" She opens the fridge and shows him 25 different bands of beers from 12 different countries. The husband didn't know what to do. The only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, loolie loolie...but at the bar... you know... they have frozen mugs..." He didn't get to finish the sentence. The wife interupted him, saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She opened the freezer and handed him a mug frozen solid. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be too long...I'll be right back....I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: spicy chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, fried mushrooms, pork strips, cheese dips, etc. "But sweetie, at the bar...you know...the guys are cussing and swearing...." The wife replies, "You want cussing and swearing cutie pie? "LISTEN YOU DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR FUCKIN BEER IN YOUR GOD DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOUR AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE WITH YOUR SHITHEAD FRIENDS ANYMORE! YOU GOT THAT, ASSHOLE?!"

To: Doug Coughlan who wrote (23232)	4/7/2002 3:41:47 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

Bill Clinton was seated next to an elderly priest on an airplane. Having a minor technical problem at the gate and the flight being delayed, the Captain apologized and announced that the airline would be buying a free round of drinks. When the charming and very attractive flight attendant came by, Clinton ordered a double scotch. Then she asked the priest if he would like a drink. "Oh, no thank you," replied the priest. "I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol." Halting in mid-swallow and dribbling scotch down his front, Clinton quickly replaced his drink on the beverage cart and replied, "Excuse me, miss, I didn't know I had a choice."