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To: ThirdEye who wrote (252254)	5/1/2002 11:12:12 PM
From: DOUG H	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 769667

You'll get a kick outta some of these. >>Thank God for church ladies with typewriters (that don't have spell or >> >>grammar check. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or >> >>were announced in church services: >> >> >> >>Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at >> >>Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. >> >> >> >>Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING >> >>Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference >> >>includes meals." >> >> >> >>The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon >> >>tonight: "Searching for Jesus." >> >> >> >>Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the >> >>recreation hall. Come out and watch us beat Christ the King. >> >> >> >>"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of >> >>those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your >> >>husbands." >> >> >> >>Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring >> >>your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a >> >>fun time. >> >> >> >>The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to >> >>a conflict. >> >> >> >>Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile >> >>at someone who is hard to love. Say hell to someone who doesn't care >> >>much about you. >> >> >> >>Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. >> >> >> >>Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again", giving >> >>obvious pleasure to the congregation. >> >> >> >>For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a >> >>nursery downstairs. >> >> >> >>Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the >> >>help they can get. >> >> >> >>Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more >> >>transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes >> >>of Pastor Jack's sermons. >> >> >> >>The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir >> >>will sing "Break Forth into Joy." >> >> >> >>Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the >> >>church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. >> >> >> >>A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. >> >>Music will follow. >> >> >> >>At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is >> >>Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. >> >> >> >>Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of >> >>several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. >> >> >> >>Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be >> >>recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. >> >> >> >>The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 P.M. Steak, mashed potatoes, >> >>green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. >> >> >> >>Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased >> >>person you want remembered. >> >> >> >>The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, >> >>and gracious hostility. >> >> >> >>Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M. - prayer and medication to follow. >> >> >> >>The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They >> >>may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. >> >> >> >>This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across >> >>>from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. >> >> >> >>Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies >> >>are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. >> >> >> >>The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation >> >>would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next >> >>Sunday. >> >> >> >>Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use >> >>the back door. >> >> >> >>The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the >> >>Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this >> >>tragedy. >> >> >> >>Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. >> >>Please use large double door at the side entrance. >> >> >> >>Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes. >> >> >> >>The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign >> >>slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." >> >> >> >>Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."