DAYTRADING: The Highs and the Woes
I made it to my shrink, doc Kronkite, the Mel Brooks look-alike, in record time. Again I was in crisis.
The doc’s lovely receptionist, Miss Thelma Tushbumper smiled that wonderful smile as I entered. Miss Tushbumper, arms spread wide made a move to embrace me. I like this. Especially since I stand five-foot eight and she is a ramrod straight six-foot two. A fine Marine drill sargent she could have made.
Anyway, due to the, er, slight difference in our respective heights, my head nestles, when we hug, on her most ample bosom.
Today though I wanted nothing to do with bosoms. I was in crisis. I wanted to see doc Kronkite.
“You again!” boomed the doc as I entered. “What are you doing here?”
“Gee doc,” I mumbled, “This is my time to see you. I’ve been seeing you at this time every week for the past ten years.”
“Hrrumph,” he mumbled. “On the couch you should lie down. On the couch,” He commanded.
I eased my weary body onto his lumpy leather couch.
“Doc, I’m in crisis!” I cried.
“Again with the crisis. I don’t want to hear it. First tell me about your trading week, and how my stocks did, and then your childhood. Leave nothing out.”
“Gee doc, do I have to?” I whined.
“Of course. Do you want me to cure you? Or would you rather spend another ten years with me?”
I thought about that, said “Will Miss Tushbumper be here for ten more years?”
“Of course she will you dunderhead. Now begin.”
I began. “Well doc, I had a terrific trading week. Made enough to pay your fee and buy your books for a whole year.”
“Mmm,” said the doc. And how about my stocks? Do they look good to you?”
“Gee doc, your WCOM dropped from $1.60 to $1.08. I sure hope that Mendelbaum the fund manager didn’t convince you to buy more.”
“Don’t worry about Mendelbaum,” he said. “I put out a ‘contrast’ on him.”
“Doc, you’re gonna have Mendelbaum 'whacked'?” I watch the Sopranos, so I’m familiar with these terms.
“Mendelbaum is history,” the doc said, rubbing his hands while a grin spread across his face.
I was worried. Should I call Mendelbaum and warn him, tell him to catch the next flight to Rio?
“And my EMC? How is my EMC? Mendelbaum said it would rally strongly this week.”
“Golly doc, EMC is under $8. But I’m sure Mendelbaum meant well,” I lied.
I guess the doc didn’t want to hear anymore. He said, “So talk on me about your crisis.”
“Well doc,” I began hesitantly. “I’ve been working with three fellows for the past three months. See, they wanted to open a new trading room and they needed my help.”
“Help? What kind of help?” asked the doc.
“Gee doc, I really don’t want to say. Let’s just say they needed a lot of help.”
“Mmm,” said the doc. “So what’s your problem? What’s the crisis?”
“Well doc, see I just found out that these guys were kinda whacky.”
“Whacky? What means whacky?” asked the doc.
“The only way I can explain it is to ask if you’ve ever seen “The Three Stooges?”
“I love “The Three Stooges,” he bellowed. “Larry, Moe and Curly, what idiots. They could all use a few sessions with me. So wherefrom comes your crisis?”
Well doc, it recently dawned on me that I’d been working with The Three Stooges.”
“No!” cried the doc.
“Yes.”
“But it’s ok doc. I escaped.”
“Good. Now you can work with me. A trader I want to be. You can show me how to trade. No more with that Mendelbaum.”
“Gee doc, I don’t know.” I said.
“What know? You teach people how to trade don’t you?
“Sure doc.” I said.
“”You help them make money trading don’t you?”
“Yes doc.”
“You’ve been doing this for years?”
“Sure doc.”
“Well open you’re your own trading room already!” he boomed.
“Gee doc, I never thought of that.”
“Well, think on it. How many people can you work with?”
“Thirty, maybe forty doc.”
“Good. Choose thirty or forty people you know, charge them a fair price, help them trade, trade with them every day.”
“Doc, you’re a genius.”
“Think on it. Next week we’ll talk some more about it.”
“Ok doc.”
Lee Kramer |
