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Strategies & Market Trends : VOLTAIRE'S PORCH-MODERATED -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Dealer who wrote (51721)	5/19/2002 12:56:15 PM
From: Jill	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 65232

OK back at ya... TIPS FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. 2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right. 3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. 4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. 5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. 6. Do not buy food at the movie store. 7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. 8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive. 9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent. 10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?" 11. People walk slower here. 12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. 13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol'boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it. 14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. 15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here. 16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down. 17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say. 18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased. 19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers. 20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November. 22. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do. 23. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed. 24. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer. 25. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there. 26. In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor". You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", "Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy". 27. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle. 28. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

To: Dealer who wrote (51721)	5/19/2002 6:05:11 PM
From: stockman_scott	Respond to of 65232

Analysing Stock Markets tradersdock.com

To: Dealer who wrote (51721)	5/20/2002 7:39:25 AM
From: Clappy	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 65232

I'm wondering if the markets will begin to see a shift in psychology back to worrying about terrorism. Cheney's warning might get more folks to be more cautious in their spending and investing. As would the video of bin Laden... (I know those comments seem rather shallow. Not meant to be. I'm just trying to focus how it will effect the markets. Certainly not saying that "market reaction" is the worst thing about these terrorism warnings.) Markets don't usually do well during periods of uncertainty. Are we in a new period of uncertainty now? Have we entered a new time capsule (in Voltspeak)? For what ever reason, I feel a little less safe than I did a month ago... Got any more jokes? I have to try to get my mind off of this stuff... <g> ng> -Clappy