friday funnies...
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
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A would-be shoplifter in London attempted to steal two lobsters. The ingenious felon stuffed the lobsters into his trousers and headed for the door of the supermarket. Near the exit, our larcenous Londoner
doubled over in excruciating pain and lay on the floor screaming. It seems that the lobster's claws were not tied down and one of the tasty crustaceans decided to have the thief's family jewels for lunch. The paramedics were called in to remove the carnivorous crustacean from the very sensitive portion of this thief's anatomy. After they stopped laughing, a pair of pliers successfully accomplished the removal much to the relief of our suffering suspect. No information was available on the extent of the member's (sic) injuries or his future fatherhood potential.
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When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
b days 5/26
1886 Al Jolson (Asa Yoelson), American singer and actor who starred in the first talkie movie, The Jazz Singer
1907 John Wayne (born Marion Michael Morrison), American actor; he won an Oscar for True Grit
1908 Robert Morley, British actor
1913 Peter Cushing, British horror film actor
1922 Jay Silverheels, native Canadian actor famed for his role as Tonto in The Lone Ranger
1948 Stevie Nicks, American singer, lead singer with Fleetwood Mac
day in history...
1608 King Phillip III of Spain decreed non-Roman Catholic (American) Indians could legally be enslaved.
1805 Napoleon Bonaparte was crowned King of Italy.
Happy birthday 2/27
1818 Amelia Bloomer, American temperance and women's rights campaigner; who invented the loose leggings that took her name.(nice bloomers eh?)
1837 James Wild Bill Hickock, American cowboy and marshall...On August 2, 1876, while playing poker in a saloon in Deadwood, South Dakota, Hickok was shot and killed by Jack McCall who was later tried and hung on March 1, 1877. The hand that Hickok held at the time he was shot was a pair of eights and a pair of aces. The hand later became known as the "dead man's hand."
1911 Hubert H. Humphrey, US senator
1911 Vincent Price, American actor
1923 Henry Kissinger, German-born US secretary of state
Events...
1936 The 81,237-tonne Queen Mary set sail on her maiden transatlantic voyage.
1958 Jerry Lee Lewis and his 13-year-old bride Myra flew back to the US after the rock star's concerts were cancelled in Britain because of his unconventional marriage.
1988 A Canadian man was acquitted of murdering his mother on the grounds that he had been sleepwalking. This was despite the fact that he had driven 22 km to her home before hitting her with an iron bar and stabbing her.
yur birthday 5/28
The trouble with Ian is that he gets off with women because he can't get on with them. Rosamond Lehmann, on Ian Fleming, who was born on May 28, 1908 novelist and who created the character James Bond
1371 John the Fearless, son of Philip the Bold, father of Philip the Good, Burgundy, France
1738 Joseph Guillotin, French physician and revolutionary who invented the guillotine
history...
861 Paris was burned by the Vikings, not for the first time.
1843 Noah Webster, American lexicographer and originator of Webster's Dictionary in 1828, died aged 84.
1961 Amnesty International was founded, by English lawyer Peter Benenson and friends, with a notice in the London Observer and the Paris Le Monde.
may 29 births...
1736 Patrick Henry, American patriot and orator who said Give me Liberty or give me Death!
1903 Bob Hope (Leslie Townes Hope), English-born American comedian
1917 John F Kennedy, 35th president of the USA
happenings
1453 Constantinople fell to the Turks.
1972 Presidents Nixon and Brezhnev signed the first arms reduction pact.
born today...30may
1672 Peter I ('the Great'), Tsar of Russia (1682-1721) and Emperor (1721-5)
1908 Mel Blanc (born Mervin Jerome), American vocal artist who provided the voices for all Warner Bros cartoon characters, such as Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and Yosemite Sam (haw haw haw)
1909 Benny Goodman, American jazz and swing clarinettist
on this day...
Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Blessed be God.
Last words of Joan of Arc, burnt at the stake, May 30, 1431 Rouen, France.
Do let me die in peace.
Last words of French writer, Voltaire, died May 30, 1778
1971 Thirty-six Grateful Dead fans were treated for hallucinations caused by LSD they unwittingly ingested from a spiked apple drink served at San Francisco's Winterland concert hall. Although band members were suspected of supplying the drug, they were not formally accused.
birthday suits 5/31
1930 Clint Eastwood, Hollywood actor and director, Dirty Harry Good Bad and Ugly...
1938 Peter Yarrow, singer with Peter, Paul and Mary
1965 Brooke Shields, Hollywood actress (she's old :lol: )
today on May 31...
1859 Big Ben went into service. Big Ben is actually the name of the bell, not the clock
1927 The last Model T Ford, No 15,007,003, rolled off the assembly line.
1957 American playwright Arthur Miller was convicted of contempt of Congress for refusing to name other writers as Communists.
enjoy the weekend ...
good fortune...
pops |
