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Pastimes : Meet the GIVES! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Lazarus_Long who wrote (142)	5/28/2002 11:37:16 PM
From: sandintoes	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 6378

Here you go, now you know what they look like...order one and wear it around your neighborhood, all the women will love you for it! lucky13apparel.com Here are some good redneck jokes to go with your new shirt! You might be a redneck goth if... your coffin is up on blocks. your hearse has a shotgun rack your wife-beater shirt is black. your coon dogs are named Bela and Lestat. you have a pair of black latex overalls, with no crotch. you drink the blood of animals at night, and then sodomize them. you have hickeys with fang marks. you check the blood type of your victim with a dipstick. you don't have two front teeth, but you do have fangs. your banjo is made of human flesh and bone. your blood comes in a box you hold late night walks and poetry readings, in a junkyard. you think Johnny Cash has "pretty lips" your coffin is lined with a velvet confederate flag your hearse's horn plays the first few notes of Dixie, in D minor. your hearse has Playboy mudflaps. you have a Moon tan line when wearing a short sleeve shirt. your coffin liner is black and grey plaid. your hearse is jacked up and sports dear lights. you smoke cloves in a corncob pipe. you dye your sheep black. you have elbow length black latex gloves, covered in pig shit. you midwived the cow your leather boots came from. your oh-so-spooky homepage is at www.y'all.com. that's engine grease on your face, not makeup. your bull's nose is pierced 6 times. even your teeth are black. your hearse has its doors welded shut. you have a black velvet Elvis painting, postmortem. your child's first words were "Ah! The light!". your hearse has a trailer hitch. you slit your wrists after your sister breaks up with you. - William Annis you draw the line at drinkin' the blood o' colored folk. - William Annis you write Gothic poetry about your "Achey Breaky Heart." - David Raehal your closing remark at a funeral is "Y'all come back now, hear?" - Theadeaus Aggrippa your rooster crows at moon rise - Theadeaus Aggrippa all the cars and car parts in your yard can be seen as a pentacle from low flyingt aircraft - Theadeaus Aggrippa your front porch were to collapse you would have killed 27 dogs if they weren't already dead - Theadeaus Aggrippa your favorite brew is blood light - Theadeaus Aggrippa your pick up truck is up on headstones - Theadeaus Aggrippa you have a flatbed hearse - Theadeaus Aggrippa barbed wire is not only functional but a fashion statement for your house - Theadeaus Aggrippa you have spent your life perfecting black corn - Theadeaus Aggrippa your great granddaddy still sits in his favorite rocking chair even though he is dead - Theadeaus Aggrippa you go to the family grave plot to pick up girls. - Andy Tiegs your coffin has a side-mounted spitoon - Marc Beltmann you fantasize about your sister while listening to "Sisters of Mercy" - Marc Beltmann your favorite monster truck is "Grave Digger" - Marc Beltmann you have a giant pentagram belt buckle - Marc Beltmann you have a bumper sticker that says "The dead will rise again" - Marc Beltmann your face is paler than your hood (mabye don't post this one) - Marc Beltmann you're too depressed for incest. - Marc Beltmann you live in a double-wide mausoleum. - Marc Beltmann you wear a black condom when you screw your sister. - Marc Beltmann you have a copy of "press eject and give me the tape" on 8-track. - Josh Gross your granny crochets your fishnets - bellatrix you make bondage jewelry out of old tires - bellatrix you name your lice after members of the Cure - bellatrix you thought 'the Crow' should have been called 'the Chicken' - bellatrix your favorite comic is "Johhny the Homicidal Tractor" - bellatrix you have a red flannel trenchcoat - bellatrix you buy your makeup from the hardware store. - Jesse Jacobs you brand your cattle with the Bauhaus logo. - SpOoKyGiRl you are the 7th son of a 7th son and your sister. - Doug Krainman you bought Project Pitchfork thinking it was a country album. - Wolfe your top hat has a "John Deer" patch on the front. - Stacy "Big Daddy" Daugherty you love Skinny Puppy......with taters and gravy. - Stacy "Big Daddy" Daugherty you own the entire Anne Rice collection but it just sits there because you're illiterate. - Jackson Lanners you claim that the bullet holes in your broken television set show your 'artistic side' and reflect your 'distaste for the media.' - sheri you have an Elvira pinup in your outhouse. - Jestin M Speet someone yells "Hoedown!" and your dominatrix hits the floor. - Malcus Dorroga you get up at 4 AM every morning to collect eggs from the raven coop. - Ted Prodromou your bath water is black when you are done and you DID NOT just dye your hair. - Lord Dellamorté you think black tape for a blue girl is a way to fix your home. - Morgan Lefay your beer cans have fang marks - Zombie Your wife, mother, sister and dominatrix are all the same person. - Darksoul It's easier to get a pet alligator than a rat. - Darksoul You paint your pet gator black. - Darksoul You burn upside down crosses. - Darksoul You play a recording of "Amazing grace" backwards to hear the hidden messages. - Darksoul Instead of a scarecrow in your crops, you have a rotting corpse on a stick. - Kashashaptu You and your pitbull share the spiked collar. - Malkchild Your PVC/Fishnet shirt has your name on the pocket. - Anonymous Coward you have been known to shoot at the sun. - Alison