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Gold/Mining/Energy : Gold Price Monitor -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: marek_wojna who wrote (86049)	5/29/2002 10:02:58 AM
From: E. Charters	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 116834

The way to keep jobs and get them, is ask if you can wear a company nose ring before being employed six months. If they refuse to allow you that privilege, be sad, but say you understand. Smile and say you are looking forward to the company ring, and hope that someday you can wear a gold one. It would help if you added a drop of glycerine to your eye before the meeting. In the meantime, make yourself wear a mental nose ring. This is extremely important. You see other employees wearing their proudly, so be just as proud and envision yourself with that nose appliance. Feel it, see it, immerse youself in the experience of it, as it were a phantom limb. When you are in any meeting, your attitude of co-operativeness will make you instantly promotable. Your absolutely believable look, will melt away the most psychopathic of employees' back-biting lies about you. One look at the invisible mental nose ring and the boss will interrupt the meeting and angrily call out, "Jones! come in here at once! Your performance reports on this employee are a disappointment. I am advising you that you are to take a 6 week holiday starting now, and I am giving your job to this employee with a raise in pay. We will see if we cannot get more accuracy around here. The fall off in interim results cannot possibly he his fault. You were the one in charge. And as far as company theft goes, you are the one with the liquor cabinet key!" It's all in the fellowship of the ring. Jones is history., After 20 years of service it became apparent that his nose ring did not fit as well as yours. There is one other kind of ring that you should not compete with. You can recognize it when certain employees purse their lips. It is oral satisfaction ring. I cannot advise that one should try that form of ring fitting right away, but it is superior in job security to all others save those who have achieved a maximization of negative pressure. Some employees of the month have been known to achieve 148 pounds of static vacuum, which is equivalent to a high by-pass fan-jet engine taking off on the planet Saturn. In fact your can go from the nose ring, directly to the O-Sat ring, bypassing the backdoor mid-height ring. This last one is hard for employees with bad backs. As employees age and can no longer touch their toes quickly, they get too slow for the younger and more agile group, so it is easy to "get behind them" so to speak. Since they have their backs turned to you at the time, you can pretend to be the boss for a while. We can see from this that physical agility and suppleness go along with moral flexibility and oral multi-tasking in the work place. It is a new form of lack of recall, that a loyal employee may say when asked by legal authority what the record was at such and such a time, -- "I cannot give you oral satisfaction on that matter exactly, because I was multi-tasking at the time." It is called pleading the fifth position of embendment to the prostitution. (That is why new employees are called missionaries.) The first four positions are standing, sitting, kneeling, and lying. The fifth is a dyanmic attitude, or airborne. This is why "dynamic, upwardly-mobile, young multi-taskers who can work in a fast paced environment and are quickly adaptable to new ideas" (the bosses) is a phrase often seen as a requirement in job ads. EC<:-}