friday funnies 6/07...
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the workday approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri! No, I'm sorry, replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc." gotcha!
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One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking
beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from
across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and
shouted at me, "You should be hung. I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"
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Kenyucky: It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
Massachusetts: Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
Oklahoma: Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
Pennsylvania: A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling
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According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A lot of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would
put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror, leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to
be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were
causing a major problem for the janitor who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to clean the mirrors. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and then cleaned the mirror with it...Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
Did you know????
**That The Guy that created the Nobel peace prize also created dynamite.
**Tastebuds have a lifespan of 10 days.
**The can opener was invented 44 years after the tin can.
**Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows when their cats died.
**Non-dairy creamer is flammable.
**Cats can see ultrasound.
**Goldfish can see both ultraviolet and infrared light.
**Giraffes have no vocal chords.
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birthday 6/1...
June...Birthstone: Pearl, signifying purity and tears, and agate, signifying health and long life...
1926 Marilyn Monroe
Journalist: Didn’t you have anything on? Marilyn: I had the radio on.
Marilyn Monroe, American actress, born on June 1, 1926
She had a tragically short '60s career, with only two completed '60s flicks... Let's Make Love in '60 and The Misfits in '61 ... when she died suddenly in '62. One role she didn't get was Breakfast at Tiffany's, which went to Audrey Hepburn even though Marilyn was author Truman Capote's first choice. Marilyn was fired from a third movie she was making Something's Got to Give, for being chronically late and working only twelve of 31 scheduled shooting days in the summer of '62. This was less than two months before she died (she was rehired and filming would've continued in August had she not died). Sadly, after bouts with alcohol and pills, she died in her Brentwood bedroom of an overdose of 47 Nembutal and chloral hydrate pills on August 5, 1962 at the age of 36. L.A.'s Chief Medical Examiner ruled it an accidental suicide, but her death is still shrouded in mystery and myth, with books nominating the Kennedys, the Mafia, accidental suicide, and intentional suicide among the possible causes of her death. Her plain but famous wall crypt, for decades decorated by Joe DiMaggio's fresh roses, is in Westwood Memorial Park
1801 Brigham Young, Mormon leader
1831 Sir James Clark Ross, who located the Magnetic North Pole.
history...
1495 The first written record of Scotch whiskey appeared, in the Scottish Exchequer Rolls – Friar John Cor was the distiller.
1915 The first Zeppelin raid was made over England...
1967 The Beatles released the album Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
1991 Mount Pinatubo (Philippines) erupted for the first time in 600 years...
b day 6/02
1740 Marquis de Sade, French author, imprisoned in the Bastille for his sexual perversions
1904 Johnny Weismuller, American Olympic swimmer and actor who portrayed Tarzan
1941 Charlie Watts, drummer with the Rolling Stones
happenings...
1581 James Douglas, Earl of Morton, was beheaded at Edinburgh.
1835 PT Barnum's circus began its first US tour.
1959 Allen Ginsberg wrote his poem Lysergic Acid San Francisco. Allen Ginsberg (1926-97) was regarded as one of the foremost poets of the 1960s
1964 The Rolling Stones played their first show in the US, in Massachusetts with The Chiffons, Bobby Goldsboro and Bobby Vee
1989 10,000 Chinese soldiers were blocked by 100,000 citizens protecting students demonstrating for democracy in Tienanmen Square, Beijing.
happy birthday 6/03
1925 Tony Curtis born Bernard Schwartz, Hollywood actor
on this day...
1906 Belgian King Leopold II called The Congo his private possession.
1946 The first bikini swimming costume went on show in France
1948 Korczak Ziolkowski began his sculpture of Crazy Horse near Mt Rushmore, USA.
1980 In an actual scene like something from Dr Strangelove, a computer malfunction, failure of a 46-cent computer chip – signalled a Soviet nuclear attack on the USA. American forces were called back in the nick of time. It happened again on June 6
yur birthday june 4
470 BC Socrates, Greek philosopher, who was eventually executed by being forced to drink hemlock. I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world.
on june 4...
780 The first total solar eclipse reliably recorded by the Chinese.
1798 The Italian adventurer and lover, Giovanni Casanova, died at his Castle
1864 General Ulysses S Grant's military tactics during his first month in command of the Union Armies resulted in the deaths of 60,000 Union soldiers – more Americans than killed in the entire Vietnam War.
1989 As many as 2,600 people were killed and 10,000 injured in Tienanmen Square, Beijing, when the Chinese Communist government cracked down on pro-democracy protesters.
6/05 births...
1819 John Couch Adams, English astronomer who discovered the planet Neptune
1883 John Maynard Keynes, British economist
in the past...
8498 BC The traditional date of the natural calamity that destroyed the ancient civilization of Atlantis.
1967 The start of the Sixteen Day War. Israel went to war with Egypt, Syria and Jordan.
1968 Senator Robert F Kennedy was shot dead in the Ambassador Hotel by Jordanian gunman Sirhan Sirhan.
1977 The first personal computer, the Apple 2, went on sale in the USA.
born today 6/06
Nathan Hale, American revolutionary soldier, executed on September 22, 1776 by the British for spying, born on June 6, 1755. I regret that I have but one life to give for my country.
Tenzin Gyatso, the Fourteenth Dalai Lama of Tibet, born on June 6, 1935
1950 Robert Englund, a classically-trained American actor, best known as Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.
day in history...
1813 The US invasion of Canada was halted at Stoney Creek, Ontario.
1884 The world’s first roller coaster opened, Coney Island, New York City.
1944 D Day: the biggest invasion in world history begins - more than one million men from 4,000 ships land on beaches in northern France, codenamed Utah, Omaha, Gold, Juno and Sword. The day had been set for June 5, but was postponed due to impossible weather conditions.
1949 George Orwell's classic novel 1984 was published.
birthday suits 6/07
1901 Gary Cooper, american actor
1917 Dean Martin, American actor/singer who was straight man to funny man Jerry Lewis
1940 Tom Jones (Born Thomas Woodward), Welsh singer whose many hits include It’s Not Unusual and What’s New Pussycat?
events...
570 Birth of Muhammed
1631 Death of Mumtaz Mahal, wife of Shah Jahan of India. The Taj Mahal is her tomb
1982 Elvis Presley's home, Graceland, opened as a museum and shrine to the dead rock 'n' roller.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY
have a great weekend...
good fortune...
pops
compiled and edited Copyright Stock Den Digest© 2002 |
