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To: Donald Wennerstrom who wrote (3661)6/25/2002 8:11:00 PM
From: James Calladine  Respond to of 95611
 
REMAINING U.S. CEOs MAKE A BREAK FOR IT
Band of Roving Chief Executives Spotted Miles from Mexican Border

San Antonio, Texas (SatireWire.com)
Unwilling to wait for their eventual
indictments, the 10,000 remaining CEOs of
public U.S. companies made a break for
it yesterday, heading for the Mexican border,
plundering towns and villages along the way
and writing the entire rampage off as a
marketing expense.

"They came into my home, made me pay for my
own TV, then double-booked the revenues," said
Rachel Sanchez of Las Cruces, just north of
El Paso. "Right in front of my daughters."

Calling themselves the CEOnistas, the chief
executives were first spotted last night along
the Rio Grande River near Quemado, where they
bought each of the town's 320 residents by
borrowing against pension fund gains. By
late this morning, the CEOnistas had
arbitrarily inflated Quemado's population to
960, and declared a 200 percent profit for the
fiscal second quarter.

This morning, the outlaws bought the city of
Waco, transferred its underperforming areas to
a private partnership, and sent a bill to
California for $4.5 billion.

Law enforcement officials and disgruntled
shareholders riding posse were noticeably
frustrated.

"First of all, they're very hard to find
because they always stand behind their
numbers, and the numbers keep shifting," said
posse spokesman Dean Levitt. "And every time
we yell 'Stop in the name of the
shareholders!', they refer us to investor
relations. I've been on the phone all
damn morning."

"YOU'LL NEVER AUDIT ME ALIVE!"

The pursuers said they have had some success,
however, by preying on a common executive
weakness. "Last night we caught about 24 of
them by disguising one of our female officers
as a CNBC anchor," said U.S. Border Patrol
spokesperson Janet Lewis. "It was like moths
to a flame."

Also, teams of agents have been using high-
powered listening devices to scan the plains
for telltale sounds of the CEOnistas. "Most of
the time we just hear leaves rustling or
cattle flicking their tails," said Lewis, "but
occasionally we'll pick up someone saying, 'I
was totally out of the loop on that.'"

Among former and current CEOs apprehended with
this method were Computer Associates' Sanjay
Kumar, Adelphia's John Rigas, Enron's Ken Lay,
Joseph Nacchio of Qwest, Joseph Berardino of
Arthur Andersen, and every Global Crossing CEO
since 1997. ImClone Systems' Sam Waksal and
Dennis Kozlowski of Tyco were not allowed to
join the CEOnistas as they have already been
indicted.

So far, about 50 chief executives have been
captured, including Martha Stewart, who was
detained south of El Paso where she had cut
through a barbed-wire fence at the Zaragosa
border crossing off Highway 375.

"She would have gotten away, but she was
stopping motorists to ask for marzipan and
food coloring so she could make edible snowman
place settings, using the cut pieces of wire
for the arms," said Border Patrol officer
Jennette Cushing. "We put her in cell No. 7,
because the morning sun really adds texture to
the stucco walls."

While some stragglers are believed to have
successfully crossed into Mexico, Cushing said
the bulk of the CEOnistas have holed
themselves up at the Alamo.

"No, not the fort, the car rental place at the
airport," she said. "They're rotating all
the tires on the minivans and accounting for
each change as a sale."



To: Donald Wennerstrom who wrote (3661)6/25/2002 10:04:43 PM
From: Return to Sender  Respond to of 95611
 
More from Briefing.com: 8:17PM After hours indications : Futures off sharply tonight following the WCOM accounting fraud news; S&P futures 19.5 pts below fair value; Nasdaq 100 futures 33 pts below fair value. WCOM news will further undermine investor confidence in quality of earnings, though some will no doubt argue that the resulting capitulation may mark the bottom; we shall see.

8:02PM Cirrus Logic warns for June quarter (CRUS) 6.54 +0.33: Sees Q1 (Jun) revenues of $74-77 mln vs prior guidance of $87-88 mln and Multex consensus of $88.3 mln; pro forma loss seen at $0.08-0.10 vs Multex consensus of a loss of $0.08; says shortfall is due solely to lower demand by Thomson Multimedia, which manufactures DVD subsystems for the Microsoft (MSFT) Xbox.

7:59PM WorldCom confirms earnings restatement (WCOM) 0.83 -0.08: -- Update -- Company confirms that it will restate earnings to reflect line cost expenses that were misreported as capital expenses; EBITDA will be reduced by $3.055 bln in 2001 and $797 mln in 2001 as a result. To address its liquidity issues, WCOM will cut capex "significantly" in 2002 and to $2.1 bln in 2003; cut workforce by 17,000, sell non-core businesses, pay preferred dividends in common stock, and discontinue the MCIT dividend payment - expects $2 bln per year in cash savings. Stock at 0.21 after hours.

7:53PM Amkor reaffirms Q2 guidance (AMKR) 3.90 -1.71: Company reaffirms Q2 guidance of 20% sequential revenue growth for its assembly and test segment, and roughly flat wafer fab revenue due to softer demand from Texas Instruments (TXN); continues to expect double digit assembly/test revenue growth in Q3 as well. Company knows of no reason for recent weakness in its stock.

7:08PM Adelphia files for bankruptcy (ADLAE) : The Wall Street Journal is reporting that Adelphia has filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy protection and has obtained $1.5 bln in debtor-in-possession financing; the bankruptcy filing had been expected.

7:03PM WorldCom story confirmed by WSJ (WCOM) 0.83 -0.08: -- Update -- The Wall Street Journal is also reporting the WCOM story; like CNBC, it says that over $3 bln in expenses were improperly booked as capital expenditures, though the WSJ claims that this boosted cash flow, which appears incorrect based on the available information. Investors appear to be concluding that this will be the death knell for WCOM and that chapter 11 bankruptcy is now likely; WCOM trading at 0.25, -0.58 from the 4 pm close.

6:26PM WorldCom engaged in accounting fraud: CNBC (WCOM) 0.83 -0.08: CNBC reporting that WCOM has engaged in fraudulent accounting over the past five quarters; says that company recorded many regular expenses as capital expenditures, boosting EBITDA by $3.6 bln over the past five quarters. CNBC also reports that the CFO has been dismissed in the last 48 hours. Though misreporting regular expenses as capex does not affect cash flow, it can affect estimates of a company's future earnings power; CNBC also adds that the company will soon restate its earnings to reflect these issues. WCOM plunges after hours to 0.38, off 0.50 from the close.

5:57PM Micron (MU) 19.75 +0.03: -- Update -- On call, company says capital spending should be about $900 mln - $1 bln in fiscal 02 (Aug). It should increase to $1 - $1.5 bln next year depending on market conditions... stock at 18.

5:50PM Micron (MU) 19.75 +0.03: -- Update -- On conference call, company does not provide specific guidance for Q4 (Aug)... Since early April, prices have been under pressure. For example, its 256 product has been reduced to $5 from $10 per unit.... stock at 18.17

finance.yahoo.com

It starts to get interesting for sure tomorrow morning Don.

RtS



To: Donald Wennerstrom who wrote (3661)6/27/2002 6:19:04 PM
From: Donald Wennerstrom  Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 95611
 
Here is the update from Briefing.com based on the market action today. Any highlights are mine.

Tech Stock Analysis

Updated: 28-Jun-02

General Commentary

Bolstered by some positive brokerage comments on the chip and chip equipment group, the sector shrugged off rumors of more accounting irregularities (this time at GM, which company denied) and staged a nice, broadbased rally... Philadelphia Semiconductor, GSTI Software, Computer Hardware and the Internet indices were up by 3.1%, 3.6%, 3.6% and 4.5%, respectively... Even the lowly Wireless index managed to eke out a gain of 1.5%... Though not explosive, volume was a decent 1.9 bln shares... Unfortunately, new lows still thumped new highs by 155 to 94 and advancers outpace decliners by less than a 2-to-1 margin.

The reason for all the stats was to show that while the Nasdaq managed to extend its recovery rally for a second session, there was nothing in the internals to suggest the start of something big...

End of the quarter activity, additional short-covering and some very light bargain hunting were the primary forces behind Thursday's modest gain... Given that technicals are still oversold and that the brunt of warnings season is behind us, it's possible that the sector will maintain a neutral to slightly bullish bias for the better part of the next week... However, make no mistake about the fact that the underlying tone has not changed.

Will take the Nasdaq making a move through 1525 (regression line of Jan-Jun decline), followed by an aggressive assault on the 1614 (50-day moving average) level before it makes sense to even think about possibility of a sustained recovery try... Considering that none of the negatives-- global insecurity, corporate accounting shenanigans, historically high valuations, lack of earnings visibility -- have changed dramatically over the past two days, look for sellers to step back to the plate in the next day or two and try to retake control of the market.

Robert Walberg, Briefing.com