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To: xcr600 who wrote (8627)	7/1/2002 3:01:58 PM
From: Bucky Katt	Respond to of 48461

Now that is funny as hell..

To: xcr600 who wrote (8627)	7/1/2002 3:06:24 PM
From: Bucky Katt	Respond to of 48461

More on the half-wits at the airports, they can't find anything, but they can make old WWII Medal of Honor Warriors stand there like idiots in their socks..... We have got some major issues in this country... Checkpoint screeners at 32 of the nation's largest airports failed to detect fake weapons -- guns, dynamite or bombs -- in almost a quarter of undercover tests by the Transportation Security Administration last month, documents obtained by USA TODAY show. The tests, the first since the security agency began overseeing checkpoint screening in February, were done by agents who were instructed to do little to try to conceal the items as they passed through screening checkpoints, memos about the tests show. Overall, screeners missed simulated weapons in 24% of the tests. At three major airports -- in Cincinnati, Jacksonville and Las Vegas -- screeners failed to detect potentially dangerous items in at least half the tests. At Los Angeles International Airport, the results weren't much better. The failure rate there was 41%. Screeners repeatedly failed to find stainless-steel test pieces that set off metal detectors as guns might. Screeners also had trouble spotting simulated bombs. ''A 41% failure rate is just pathetic,'' says Jack Plaxe, an aviation security consultant. ''There has to be problems with the people or their training.'' Nationwide, screeners often failed to find simulated weapons on agents after metal-detector alarms sounded. In 178 tries, screeners failed to find potentially dangerous items on agents in a third of the tests. At some of the 32 airports, agents conducted only a handful of tests. At the 12 airports where at least a dozen tests were conducted, the failure rate was 29%. The documents detailing the results, considered ''security sensitive information'' by the agency, are part of a series of undercover tests that are set to conclude today. The screeners who were tested had been trained by security companies that used to work for the airlines and which the TSA now oversees. Tens of thousands of them likely will be hired by the government by November, when screeners will become federal employees. The TSA plans to deploy about 45,000 screeners by then. ''The TSA is looking for problems in the system daily so we can fix them,'' agency spokeswoman Mari Eder says of the tests. ''We have issues to correct.'' Of the 387 tests, 209 involved screeners operating X-ray machines. The failure rate was 16%. The other tests assessed whether screeners detected objects that set off metal-detector alarms. The results raise questions about whether screening has improved since the TSA took responsibility for overseeing airport checkpoints. In tests completed earlier this year before the federal takeover, investigators with the Transportation Department's independent watchdog, the inspector general, found failure rates of nearly 50% at 32 airports that they tested. But the manner in which those tests were done differed from the TSA's approach. TSA agents were instructed to pack bags containing the simulated weapons ''consistent with how a typical passenger in air transportation might pack a bag.'' In particular, agents were told to avoid trying to ''artfully conceal'' the simulated weapons -- a different tack from that used by the inspector general's investigators, who tried to simulate how a terrorist, not a ''typical passenger,'' might bypass security. TSA officials say their tests weren't intended to emulate the behavior of terrorists. Rather, officials say, they hoped to see whether screeners could spot basic items they had been trained to recognize. usatoday.com Question--How do these idiots wipe their asses, as they seem to have their heads up them? (It would also seem they could not find their own ass to wipe anyway)

To: xcr600 who wrote (8627)	7/1/2002 3:10:30 PM
From: Bucky Katt	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 48461

This fits the times, from Alan Abelson @Barron's> WorldCom, Global Crossing, Adelphia, Enron and the rest of the now familiar suspects, besides no end of rage and pain, have also inspired humor (not, need we say, among shorn shareholders, laid-off employees, retirees and the other desolate victims of their chicanery). This isn't exactly gallows humor, but it's a sardonic sibling. A sample was sent to us by a hedge-fund manager who often finds funny what normal human beings only find fretful. To wit: EBDITA = Earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor. EBIT = Earnings before irregularities and tampering. CEO = Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO = Corporate Fraud Officer. NAV = Normal Andersen valuation. EPS = Eventual prison sentence.