Joe - thanks for summarizing so succinctly the past 52 weeks of DMX@SH for me. I just couldn't handle the acidic-comic routines there. So, I switched to Thai TV soap opera, which has all that SH lacks (and more)..
Continuing in an off-topic topic, (apologies to S&P) and asking forgiveness for not being
mongo-original, here goes; something to help you all through the night. Fox
SUPREME COURT RULES EARNINGS SHOULD BE PROTECTED AS "ART" (for Canada, read ERT):
Washington, D.C. - In a surprise decision that exonerates
dozens of major companies, the U.S. Supreme Court today ruled that corporate
earnings statements should be protected as works of art, as they "create something
from nothing."
"One plus one is two. That is math. That is science. But as we have seen,
earnings and revenues are abstract and original concepts, ideas not bound by
physical constraints or coarse realities, and must therefore be considered art," the
Court wrote in its 7-2 decision.
The impact of the ruling was widespread. Investigations into hundreds of firms
were cancelled, and collectors began snatching up original balance sheets, audits,
and P&L statements from WorldCom, Enron, and Global Crossing. Meanwhile,
auditing firms such as Arthur Andersen (now Art by Andersen) were reclassified
as art critics, whose opinions are no longer liable.
"Before we had to go in and decide, 'Is it right, or is it wrong?'" said KPMG
spokesman Dan Fischer. "Now we must only decide, 'Is it art?'"
In Congress, all further hearings into irregularities were abandoned in favor of an
abstract accounting lecture given by Scott Sullivan, former Chief Financial Artist
of WorldCom, which had been charged with fraud for improperly accounting for
$3.85 billion.
"Art should reflect life, so what I was really trying to accomplish with this third
quarter report was acknowledge that life is an illusion," said Sullivan, explaining
his acclaimed work, "10Q for the Period Ending 9/30/01."
U.S. Rep. Billy Tauzin of Louisiana, however, was forced to apologize, admitting
he could only see a lie.
"Yes, well, a man with a concretized view of the world may only be able to see
numbers that 'don't add up,'" said a haughty Sullivan. "But someone whose
perceptions are not always chained to reality - a stock analyst, say - may see
numbers that, like the human spirit, aspire to be greater than they are."
Several Sullivan pieces are now part of a new show at New York's Museum of
Modern Art entitled, "Shadows & Spreadsheets: The Origins of Pro-Formalism."
Robert Weidlin, an SEC investigator and avid collector, was among the first to
peruse the Enron exhibit, which takes up an entire wing of the museum "You look
at these works, and you say 'Is this a profit, or a loss? Is this firm a subsidiary, or
a holding company?'" said Walden. "I have stood in front of this one balance sheet
for hours, and each moment I come away with something different."
Like other patrons, Weidlin said he didn't know whether to be impressed or
outraged, a reaction that pleased Andrew Fastow, the former Enron CFA who is a
leading proponent of the Trompe L'Shareholder style.
"An artist should not be afraid to be shocking," said Fastow. "As did the
Modernists, we should fearlessly depart from tradition and embrace the use of
innovative forms of expression. Like, say, 'Special Purpose Entities' and 'Pooling
of Interests.'"
Sullivan, meanwhile, said he was influenced by the Flemish Masters, particularly
Lernout & Hauspie, the Belgian speech recognition software company that
collapsed last year after an audit discovered the firm had cooked its books in
1998, 1999, and 2000.
(thanks to SatireWire.com) |
