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Strategies & Market Trends : VOLTAIRE'S PORCH-MODERATED -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: lurqer who wrote (54074)	7/25/2002 9:06:10 AM
From: stockman_scott	Respond to of 65232

Executive suites available on Alcatraz Commentary: Time to end the corporate embarrassments By Larry Kramer CBS MarketWatch Last Update: 12:10 AM ET July 25, 2002 SAN FRANCISCO (CBS.MW) -- As angry as I have been about the continuing revelations of corporate fraud unfolding, I've tried to restrain myself. As a CEO, it is embarrassing to see how badly my fellow corporate officers have behaved. Each day, though, the reported abuses get worse and worse. I can't control myself any more. This week's alleged abuses by the Rigas family at Adelphia (ADELQ: news, chart, profile) have finally convinced me that we must send a particularly strong message to the investing public about how serious we believe these abuses are. As a member of the San Francisco corporate community, I have a specific suggestion. Let's reopen Alcatraz for this entire crop of corpo-criminals. That's assuming, of course, that we have enough room in the long-dormant Rock. I'm not sure I care if there are roofs over all the rooms. It doesn't rain that much out here. It would certainly help our local economy, and since nobody would agree to put casino gambling on the Rock, let's just use it the way they used to and hire all the laid-off workers from the out-of-business companies as guards. And I just don't want to send these guys to another country club jail. We need to remember that punishment isn't making them play on a less-manicured golf course. Though they are used to free memberships. I also think it appropriate that we, the public shareholders, get to influence the interior decorating at the new residences for these scum. After all, we shareholders paid for their previous residences, airplanes, golf course memberships and the constant upgrading and renovation of each. Most of the time we weren't even asked. I guess we're an accommodating bunch. Heck, I think in one case it looks like we may have skipped the golf membership and just bought the golf course for our Titan. So why not be equally involved in picking out their new digs? We need to set a new standard for phrase, "it's payback time." One problem I see in trying to reclaim all the assets we bought for all these bizcons is that their taste often sucked, and we'd be stuck with some white elephants. When folks get their hands on money they didn't really earn or deserve, it seems to be a license to spend that money on the most ridiculous things. So, for now, we should concentrate on how we treat them in their new home, Alcatraz. For guidance on that subject, I looked up the 1956 "Institution Rules & Regulations" from Alcatraz, published during Warden Paul J. Madigan's administration. Frankly, these rules will take some getting used to for our new residents. Among the requirements for good conduct and work habits, there is this passage: "Contraband: Anything found on your person, or in your cell, or at your work place, which was not officially issued to you, or officially approved and purchased by you, and officially listed on your property card, will be classed as contraband. Possession of contraband of any sort is a serious offense and will result in disciplinary action. If you steal anything from other inmates or from employees, or from the institution, you will be punished." Cool. Why didn't we think of that? __________________________________________ Larry Kramer is chairman and CEO of MarketWatch.com. Inc.