To: Lazarus_Long who wrote (18444 ) 7/29/2002 5:51:27 PM From: Original Mad Dog Read Replies (3) | Respond to of 21057 Hello, my name is Laz Long, and welcome to Liberal Re-Education Camp. <Speaker blaring in background in a continuous loop: “big government is bad; your money is not their money; don’t name your child Hillary”> You are here today because you have espoused some beliefs that are inconsistent with Right thinking. To wit: you have sympathy for prisoners, and believe that executing them is wrong. You believe that there is a valid use for tax revenues beyond the funding of highways, prisons, and bombs. You believe that Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton are good or even great Americans and are capable of rational, nondangerous thoughts and ideas. You believe that George Bush is a work in progress who needs some work. You believe that taxes are not inherently evil. Some of you even believe that the You-Knighted Statez of America is not the greatest nation in the history of mankind. We here at the Liberal Re-Education Camp are here to cure you of these and similar ills. Our distinguished faculty, Professor Allen, Professor (don’t call me “Mister”) Bill, and me, Chancellor Lazarus Long, will use the undeniable force of persuasive logic and rationality coupled with a realistic view of human nature to guide you in your studies. While you are here, our wives will be providing all laundry and cooking services as gracious hostesses. During your free time, there will be screenings in the camp lodge of famous speeches from the Reagan years, as well as a special screening on Tuesday night of Bedtime for Bonzo followed by Barry Goldwater’s 1964 convention speech. We are particularly excited about the program on Wednesday, when Millie Johnson, a 47-year old former welfare recipient, will tell us about how welfare and AFDC fostered in her and her extended family of 14 children and 68 grandchildren a culture of poverty, dependency, and illiteracy. On Thursday, Ward Connerly will be here to address the true basis of racial equality. And, on Friday night, William F. Buckley will host a kegger. We promise you that by the culmination of your camp experience with Christian worhsip services on Sunday morning, you will not only be a Right thinking conservative member of the body politic, but you will shout the words “under God” not once but several times when reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. Attending this camp is the greatest opportunity of your lives. Don’t waste it.