friday funnies...
Teaching Math...
Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1970:
A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. The set "C", the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?
Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math in 1990:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.
Teaching Math in 2000:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit margin is $600?
A schoolteacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with deskwork. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no discipline problems with any of his students that term.
TATER PEOPLE
Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called Speck Taters
Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called Comment Taters
Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands. They are called Dick Taters
Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet.
They are called Agie Taters
There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called Hezzie Taters
Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not.
They are called Emma Taters
Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will.
They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others. They are called Sweet Taters
A blonde replaced all the windows in her house. She had expensive, double-insulated energy efficient windows put in. Twelve months later she gets a call from the contractor, complaining that the work has been done for a year and she has failed to pay for the work done. The blonde replies, "Now don't try to pull a fast one on me. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I'm automatically stupid. The salesman who sold me those told me that in one year they would pay for themselves".
You Know You're Old When ...
... You can live without sex but not without your glasses.
... You enjoy watching the news.
... The phone rings and you hope its not for you.
... The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion.
... You're proud of your lawn mower.
... You start singing along with the elevator music.
... You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.
... You routinely check the oil in your car.
... You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
... You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
... 8 AM is your idea of "sleeping in."
... You write thank you notes without being told.
... You answer a question with, "Because I said so!"
... Others ask for your recipes.
... You start holiday shopping in August.
... You don't like to drive after dark.
... You say the words, "Turn that music down!" too often
... You point out what buildings used to be where.
... You rake the yard without being told to.
... The service station attendant lets you pump your gas before paying.
where they live...
Athletes: Olympia Heights, Florida
Candy Makers: Carmel, California
College Professors: University City, Missouri
Ecologists: Green Bay Wisconsin
Firefighters: Smokey Mountains
Fortune tellers: Palm Springs, California
Geologists: Stone Mountain, Georgia
Gossip Columnists: Grapevine, Texas
Helicopter Pilots: Hoover, Alabama
Home Builders: New Castle, Pennsylvania
Jewellers: Pearl City, Hawaii
Landscapers: Garden City, Michigan
Lawyers: Accident, Maryland
Loan Officers: Fairbanks, Alaska
Lumber Jacks: Thousand Oaks, California
Manicurists: Finger Lakes, New York
Optometrists: Plainview, New York
Pastors: Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Pianists: Florida Keys
Podiatrists: Arches National Park, Utah
Politicians: Dodge City, Kansas
Prostitutes: Pleasure Ridge, Kentucky
Real Estate Salesmen: Loveland, Colorado
Refrigerator Repairmen: Chilum, Maryland
Retired Army Officers: East Point, Georgia
Sailors: Marina, California
Sheriffs: Marshalltown, Iowa
Tree Trimmers: Long Branch, New Jersey
TV Evangelists: Hell, Michigan
Beauticians: Mascara, Algeria
Santa Claus: Christmas Islands, Australia
Doctors: Medicine Hat, Canada
Cattle markers: Brandon, Canada
Meteorologists: Thunder Bay, Canada
Fertility Clinics: Concepcion, Chile
English Teacher: Gramma, Cuba
Prostitutes: Lahore, Pakistan
Womems Lib movement: Brasov, Romania
Sperm Donors: Bangkok, Thailand
stoopid joke of the week...
One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who
among them was the most powerful.
"I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down
swiftly at my prey."
"That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only
fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws."
"I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with
a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you."
Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest
and settled the debate by eating them all...
hawk, lion, and stinker.
My Bedtime Prayer...
As I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a woman, who's very cheap.
One who's sexy, blonde, and long;
Who notices that she's mostly wrong;
One who sucks AND doesn't speak;
And promises to do so once a week.
I pray that she is very randy,
Because one like that would come in handy.
Opens her leg and lies on the floor;
And once I'm done, she begs for more.
Oh! Send me a woman who won't play with my mind.
Who knows what she wants, and that's lots from behind!
One who'll make love till my body's twitchin'
And brings ME a beer when she comes from the kitchen.
I pray that she'll last right up to the end,
And would never complain when I do her best friend.
Thanks in advance and since you know I can't wait,
I'll screw all the rest because it's never too late.
Amen
and finally...
The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: ATTACK OR RETREAT? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
compiled and edited Copyright Stock Den Digest© 2002
enjoy the long Labor Day weekend...
good fortune ...
pops |
