To: FaultLine who wrote (39713 ) 8/24/2002 5:39:28 PM From: Win Smith Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 281500 Dear Diary: Why Am I So Scary? nytimes.com [ meanwhile , from last week, it seems somebody at the dreaded NYT got W's "frenzy" message early. A couple weeks in the life of you-know-who, allegedly. ] 15 July Started smoking again. Really disappointed in myself. I must say I'm more tense than normal. Nerves. Tense. Fidgety. Strange. Oddest cravings lately. Why am I so fond of au poivre sauce? 16 July More "possible" invasion news. Affecting my sleep. Is it common to be so tense if you think another country is going to attack you? How come I never felt this way during the war with Iran? I am not afraid of them. I know we can beat the American infidels again, just like in Kuwait. Remember, we have village women with brooms. Let's see their F-14's defeat them. 17 July They lie, the Americans. The British. Lies, propaganda. Tell me with a straight face that Thomas Edison wasn't Iraqi. 18 July Attended a large public rally today. Thousands showed up. No surprise there, as they were threatened with execution if they didn't. Still, though. Fired a machine gun in the air while smiling maniacally. The crowd applauded, which I thought was nice. I so enjoy firing a weapon. Several women made that curious yammering noise wherein they move their tongue very rapidly. Which I could frankly do without. But I say let them yammer! 19 July Aren't all weapons, used correctly, biological? 20 July Why is the West so angry with me? What did I ever do? Let them just try and attack. Did I mention that I am not afraid? They're going to invade me? They have some nerve. But then, I have some nerve gas. Amazing. Even with tensions running high, I can still make myself laugh. 21 July They talk of my successor. Which is so strange, because I don't feel 65. Should I shave the mustache? Tom Selleck shaved his and I think he looks wonderful. By the way, I love the iPod — 1,000 songs! 21 July (very late) Can't sleep. Tony Blair has a lovely voice. Amazing that CNN is on 24 hours a day. Strait of Hormuz, Hormuz, Hormuz, Hormuz, Hormuz . . . 23 July I am Saddam Hussein. I like being me. I like my name. Hussein. Insane. Me sane. You sane. We all sane for Hussein. But sometimes in my head I become upset and I feel strongly that I have to shoot a duck or smash a computer or throw a monkey. Someday I'd like to have my own saffron farm in Spain and wear a large hat. 25 July Read this today on some Web site: "Gulf States and Western countries alike have come to realize that Hussein's grip is stronger than it seems — and stronger by far than his grasp of reality often appears to be." Whoa, that's just rude. And yes it hurts. But I say this: Who is the leader of Iraq right now? That's right, me, Saddam. Mad sad. Sad mad. Sad dam. And where is Bush senior these days? He's in Houston. I've been to Houston. I'll take Basra any day. 1 August Lately I think more and more about retirement. And perhaps, while on the farm, I can pursue my dream: penning romance novels. Powerful men holding buxom women. Intrigue. Suspense. Romance. Passion. Possibly a missile silo or bacteria lab. I would use a nom de plume. Penelope Braithwaite. Think through. And I like this show "Monk." Which is ironic because just the other day a woman told me I looked like Tony Shaloub. She's in prison now. 5 August Invited U.N. inspection team to visit our fake chemical weapons facility. (Note to self: Have it cleaned.) 5 August (later) You'd think it would dawn on the Kurds to change their name. I mean, really, Kurds?