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Pastimes : College Football: Nits, Gators, Bruins, Vols - Whoever! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Nittany Lion who wrote (6623)	9/17/2002 12:15:46 PM
From: E'Lane	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 11146

Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different from up North. For those who are planning a football trip South, here are some helpful hints... Women's Accessories: NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket. SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for. Fathers: NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath. SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference. Campus Decor: NORTH: Statues of founding fathers. SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners. Homecoming Queen: NORTH: Also a physics major. SOUTH: Also Miss America. Heroes: NORTH: Rudy Guliani SOUTH: Archie & Payton Manning Getting Tickets: NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets. SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets. Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game: NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday. SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hungover students that might actually make it to class. Tailgating: NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down. SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon. Getting to the Stadium: NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in. SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city. Concessions: NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda. SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon. The Smell in the Air After the First Score: NORTH: Nothing changes. SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon. Commentary (Male): NORTH: "Nice play." SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs." Commentary (Female): NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport." SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs." After the Game: NORTH: The stadium begins emptying out before the game ends. SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.