November 4, 2002
11:54pm EST
URL: opinionjournal.com
BY JAMES TARANTO
Monday, November 4, 2002 2:32 p.m. EST
Almost Live From New York, It's Al Gore!
Mark your calendar--or better yet, set your TiVo--for Dec. 14. Two years and a day after Al Gore delivered the best speech of his career, conceding the 2000 presidential election, the erstwhile veep is slated to host "Saturday Night Live." He's far from the first politician to appear on the venerable late-night comedy show: Ralph Nader hosted an episode in 1977, Jesse Jackson in 1984 and John McCain just last month; Bob Dole also made a cameo in 1996. All these men ran for president in either 1988 (Jackson, Dole) or 2000 (Nader, McCain, Gore), when the winner was a man named George Bush.
The "SNL" Web site says the "musical guest" for Gore's show is yet to be determined, but Glenn Reynolds's readers offer some suggestions:
"Styx. They could play 'Mr. Roboto,' which would be perfect for the Gore-bot."
"Dancing French Liberals of 1848. Really. The group exists. Google the group's name."
"The Pretenders. They could sing 'Don't Get Me Wrong,' 'All My Dreams,' 'How Much Did You Get for Your Soul,' 'I Go to Sleep,' 'Thin Line Between Love and Hate.' So many others . . ."
"I think Paul McCartney would be perfect. So many appropriate Beatles songs to choose from, in tribute to the old veep:
'I'm a Loser'
'Nowhere Man'
'Taxman'
'The Fool on the Hill'
'Not A Second Time'
'I'll Be On My Way' (hint, hint)"
"Harry Belafonte"
"Why not the Cramps. They could sing, 'What's Behind the Mask' or 'Zombie Dance.' "
'The Dead Kennedys. Some of us haven't forgotten Tipper Gore's role in the PMRC in the 80s. I sure Jello Biafra hasn't."
"Rage Against the Machine--the voting machines in Florida, specifically."
"Mothers of Invention"
"It would have to be Milli Vanilli. I know Gore is more of a poser, but they are close."
"Alice Cooper, 'Welcome to Al's Nightmare' "
Gore last week campaigned for Maryland's Lt. Gov. Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, who is in a tough race for governor against Republican Bob Ehrlich. According to The American Prowler, "Gore's performance was so bad that Democrats immediately sent out an SOS and brought Bill Clinton into Maryland to campaign for Townsend in one last attempt to save her political career." If KKT goes down to defeat, the Dead Kennedys get our vote.
"Saturday Night Live" went on the air in 1975, and to this day it's opened by the line Chevy Chase first made famous: "Live from New York, it's 'Saturday Night'!" Does anyone remember "The Gong Show"? It premiered in 1976, but alas lasted only until 1980. Its opening line, though, seems more fitting for Gore: "From Hollywood, Almost Live--it's 'The Gong Show'!"
Anthrax Outbreak in Iraq?
Here's a disturbing report, from Washington Post columnist Jim Hoagland:
The brief official note that came from Baghdad to the health ministry of a quasi-friendly European nation a few weeks ago was polite in tone, chilling in content. Iraq's health service director wanted to know: Could you provide information and help to treat an anthrax outbreak?
No answer went back to Baghdad. Instead, the European government reported the Iraqi inquiry to the State Department and asked its own questions: Could the note represent a genuine request for help for an outbreak that had already occurred? Or was it a veiled warning of a weapon that invading American forces would meet?
"There is no way of knowing, and that may be the point," said an official who described the note's contents to me. "The Iraqis are very adept at using disguised threats. But it is also conceivable that their efforts to weaponize anthrax have created a problem at home. There is no way to be sure."
Meanwhile, London's Daily Telegraph reports that "Saddam Hussein has instructed his security officials to kill Iraqi opposition leaders based in Britain to prevent them from forming an alternative government in the event of an Allied military attack to remove his regime."
Our Friends the Saudis
Reversing his earlier position, Prince Saud al-Faisal, Riyadh's foreign minister, tells CNN Saudi Arabia won't allow America to use its bases in the kingdom in an attack on Saddam Hussein's regime in Iraq--even if the U.N. approves. "Saudi Arabia rejects to be launchpad for US aggression," trumpets Iraq Daily, an official Saddamite "news" agency.
Meanwhile, an anonymous Saudi "religious scholar" tells the BBC that, "young Saudi fighters, or jihadis," are in the Beeb's words, "determined to cross the border into Iraq" and take up arms against America.
Both the prince and the "scholar" are probably bluffing, but if the threats turn out to be real, so much the better. If thousands of Saudi jihadis are among the casualties of Iraq's liberation, that's an added bonus. (Call it Operation Street Sweeper.) And if America liberates Iraq without official Saudi cooperation, Riyadh's views will carry less weight in determining the postwar settlement.
Three Cheers for Mauritius
"The U.N. ambassador of Mauritius, Jagdish Koonjul, has been recalled by his government because he did not openly back Washington's position on Iraq in the U.N. Security Council," Reuters reports from the U.N. "The Mauritian foreign minister, Anil Gayan, was quoted as telling reporters that Koonjul had not followed instructions and 'gave the impression that Mauritius was against the U.S.-drafted resolution on Iraq,' according to the Pan African News Agency." Koonjul didn't actually oppose the resolution, but his failure to endorse it publicly was enough to tick off his government. Mauritius holds one of 10 rotating seats on the Security Council.
The Good Old Days Weren't Always Good
Writing in The Weekly Standard, Max Boot picks up a theme we've sounded: the sudden nostalgia of the "antiwar" left for the Cold War doctrine of deterrence:
Actually I have more sympathy with their old arguments during the Cold War. They were right to criticize many aspects of deterrence and containment as immoral and dangerous. The cost of the Cold War was high. More than 100,000 American soldiers died fighting communism. American taxpayers spent countless billions of dollars on defense. And, worst of all, the world was repeatedly brought to the brink of annihilation. The closest call came during the Cuban Missile Crisis, whose 40th anniversary we marked last month. But there were other moments of extreme danger. One occurred in 1973, during the Yom Kippur War, when the United States went to DefCon 3 in order to deter the Soviet Union from intervening against Israel. Another occurred in 1983, during NATO's Able Archer war games in Europe, which some in the Kremlin misinterpreted as the prelude to a first strike against the Soviet Union.
The world was right to breathe a sigh of relief in 1991 when the Soviet Union collapsed with a whimper, not a bang. Yet now activists who claim to be "antiwar" are advocating that we undertake another prolonged bout of nuclear brinksmanship against Saddam Hussein. What's wrong with this picture?
It's worth noting that President Bush was more prescient on this matter than he usually gets credit for. Even before Sept. 11, he recognized that deterrence was an obsolete concept. Consider this May 1, 2001, speech:
When Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait in 1990, the world joined forces to turn him back. But the international community would have faced a very different situation had Hussein been able to blackmail with nuclear weapons. Like Saddam Hussein, some of today's tyrants are gripped by an implacable hatred of the United States of America. They hate our friends, they hate our values, they hate democracy and freedom and individual liberty. Many care little for the lives of their own people. In such a world, Cold War deterrence is no longer enough.
All in the Family
"Iranian security forces have detained at least one of Osama bin Laden's sons, along with several hundred people suspected of having links to the al-Qaeda terror organisation," the Financial Times reports. The BBC reports that Iran "has confirmed" the FT report and that the son, whom both news organizations say Iran refused to identify, has been deported. The FT says its Iranian source says Tehran believes bin Laden is dead.
Osama's Doc in the Dock
"American investigators are questioning a prominent Pakistani surgeon whom they believe gave Osama bin Laden medical treatment after he escaped from his hiding place in the Tora Bora mountains of Afghanistan," London's Sunday Telegraph reports. "They suspect that Amir Aziz, 46, a British-trained orthopedic surgeon, can help solve the mystery of whether the world's most wanted man is still alive."
Great Moments in Multiculturalism
A report by George Soros's Open Society Institute recommends that British schools teach Arabic "to foster greater understanding of the Arab world and help Muslim pupils feel less isolated," reports Britain's Guardian:
The author, Tufyal Choudhury, a Durham University academic, said in the Open Society Institute report that it would help Muslim pupils concentrate on their homework by eliminating the need for after-school language sessions in mosques. . . .
He pointed out that students from Bangladeshi and Pakistani backgrounds do less well in school than most other ethnic groups--a focus on Arab studies would help them feel they had a stake in society.
Just one problem: Pakistanis and Bangladeshis aren't Arabs!
Moderate Islamists?
"Turkey's voters gave a resounding victory to the Islamic-leaning Justice and Development Party (AKP) of former Istanbul mayor Recep Tayyip Erdogan Sunday, in a move certain to cause jitters in the West and Israel over this strategic country's future direction," the Jerusalem Post reports.
A few jitters are perhaps in order, but this could turn out to be very good news. Reuters reported before the election that the party's leader, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, "pledged his party would maintain Turkey's pro-Western stance." Said Erdogan: "AKP is ready to take responsibility to build up the political will to accelerate the European Union entry process and to strengthen the integration of our economy with the world economy and the implementation of the economic programme."
Turkey has long stood out in the Muslim world for its embrace of Western modernity and, more recently, democracy. Central to the country's progress has been the suppression of Muslim influences in politics. If the AKP proves to be as moderate as advertised, it could bode well for democratic reform elsewhere in the Muslim world.
You Don't Say--I
"Study: Poles Killed Jews; New report details incidents in WWII"--headline, San Jose Mercury News, Nov. 3
You Don't Say--II
"FBI Dissatisfied Anthrax Mailers Not Caught"--headline, Reuters, Nov. 1
What Color Is Your Pair of Shooters?--II
"I grew up in the 'be a credit to your race' era," writes San Jose Mercury News columnist Loretta Green. "Maybe that's why I felt badly when the sniper suspects turned out to be African-Americans." Well, if it'll make you feel any better, only one of the sniper suspects, John Muhammad, is an African-American. His sidekick, John Lee Malvo, is Jamaican.
The New York Times, however, reports that Malvo and Muhammad both follow the same religion. "He pops up and said he was a Muslim, and that he was reading Muslim books," says a former Malvo classmate, Rodney Brooks. "I asked him if he was crazy."
You Don't Say--III
"Rep. Dick Gephardt will run for the position of speaker of the House if Democrats win control of the House in Tuesday's midterm elections, aides said Friday."--Foxnews.com, Nov. 1
You Don't Say--IV
"Young Voters Less Likely Than Others to Vote"--headline, St. Paul Pioneer Press, Nov. 4
Spinning the Survey?
The New York Times has, as usual, come in for a lot of criticism over the way it covered its latest political poll. "In Poll, Americans Say Both Parties Lack Clear Vision" reads the headline of yesterday's story. One complaint is that the poll--complete results are here--actually showed results considerably more favorable to Republicans than Democrats. Asked "do you think the Republicans have a clear plan for the country if they gain control of Congress this fall?," 42% of respondents said "yes" and only 39% "no." Asked the same question about Democrats, the results were 31% "yes" and 49% "no." In other words, a plurality of respondents think the GOP does have a clear vision, while just short of a majority think the Democrats don't.
There's another point here, though. It's likely that these results reflect partisan feelings--that is, the vast majority of Republicans would say "no" about the Democrats, and vice versa. The poll results don't tell us how many people said both parties have a clear vision, but let's take a wild guess and say it's 10%. That would mean 61% of the poll's respondents think at least one party has a clear vision--contrary to the Times' headline.
In order for the headline to be accurate--that is, for the majority of respondents to think both parties lack a clear vision--at least 23% would have to have answered "yes" to the question for both parties, which would mean that nearly three-quarters of respondents who answered "yes" about the Democrats also did for the Republicans. Does that seem likely?
The other point of contention is that the Times buried a potentially noteworthy result--that Republicans led Democrats 47% to 40% when asked which party's congressional candidate they would vote for--in the sixth paragraph. Others, though, said this result was so far afield from other polls that it was, as the savvy Michael Barone said on "Fox News Sunday," "good journalism" to play it down.
Yesterday we were inclined to agree with that argument, but today we're not so sure. USA Today reports that its latest poll has the GOP leading the "generic ballot question" 51% to 45%.
One for the Record Books
Minnesota has a new senator. Gov. Jesse Ventura "named independent Dean Barkley to serve as interim senator, filling the seat of the late Sen. Paul Wellstone," USA Today reports. Barkley, now the state's planning commissioner, ran for Senate on the Reform Party ticket in 1994 and 1996. Since the winner of tomorrow's contest between Republican Norm Coleman and Democrat Walter Mondale will be sworn in immediately upon certification of his victory, Barkley may end up serving one of the shortest terms in Senate history.
Mondale and Coleman debated this morning, and our Peggy Noonan and John Fund have reviews.
'What Must They Think of the Rest of Us?'
The Weekly Standard's Christopher Caldwell makes a devastating point about last week's "memorial service" for Paul Wellstone:
The late senator was treated as little more than one broken egg in a great get-out-the-vote omelet. The pilots and aides who died with him were barely treated at all. This Machiavellian glibness in the face of death was what left viewers most uneasy. One of our major political parties, or at least a sizable wing of it, appeared to be dancing a jig on the grave of a particularly beloved fallen comrade. What must they think of the rest of us?
Democratic National Committee chairman Terry McAuliffe, always a crass act, blames Wellstone's surviving relatives for the fiasco: "This memorial service was planned by the Wellstone family," he told Tim Russert on NBC's "Meet the Press" yesterday. "It was not planned by the state party or anyone involved in politics."
Dixiecrat Denial
Alan Page, a Minnesota Supreme Court justice, is denying Robert Novak's report, which we noted last week, that Democratic leaders discouraged him from making a Senate race because he is black. Page tells the St. Paul Pioneer Press that, in his words, he "did not seek to be nominated to the Senate seat." The paper adds: "Nor, he said, was he discouraged." Page accuses Novak of an "insidious use of race."
A 14-Year Distraction
"An indignant U.S. Rep. Julia Carson, D-Ind., stormed out of a debate Wednesday after refusing to stay on the same stage with her Republican challenger, Brose McVey," the Indianapolis Star reports. Carson, one of the few House incumbents facing a tough challenge tomorrow, "is angry about ads against her being run by the National Republican Congressional Committee, which accuses her of not paying her property taxes on time":
In discussing the tax issue, she cited the trauma of her mother's battle with cancer and eventual death as one reason that her attention was "focused on family matters and not outside extraneous matters."
Carson's mother died in 1987. The Marion County treasurer's office shows Carson repeatedly paid her taxes late from at least 1997 through 2001 on three pieces of property she has owned. She now is current on all her tax bills.
Voting for Dummies
A ballot initiative in New Mexico may give idiots the right to vote, Reuters reports from Santa Fe. "Under the state's Constitution, drafted in 1912, 'idiots' and 'insane persons' . . . are currently prohibited from voting. Proposed Amendment 2 on the November 5 ballot would strike the terms 'idiots' and 'insane persons' from the Constitution. The measure will better reflect current understanding of mental health and remove archaic language, supporters said."
Zero-Tolerance Watch
"Supporters have established a fund to help pay expenses for an Eagle Scout candidate who was expelled for bringing a knife on school grounds," the Associated Press reports from Michigan. William Lomaka, a senior at Rochester High School, "denied knowing the 3 1/2-inch knife was in his Jeep Wrangler. School board members who expelled Lomaka on Oct. 7 they had no choice because state law mandates expulsion for students who bring weapons to school."
The Onion "reports" that the United Nations has turned its attention to zero tolerance: "With one in 25 students currently in detention, on suspension, or otherwise held after school on charges, the U.S. leads the world in disciplinary action against schoolchildren, the U.N. Human Rights Commission reported." The satirical newspaper "quotes" UNHRC chief David Ottersen: "It is an accepted, almost universally acknowledged fact that detention in America is class-based. If you are a member of the upper classes, especially a senior, you have little or nothing to fear. You can hit the teacher with a spitball in broad daylight, and you won't do time. But if you're a lower-class student, a freshman or sophomore, look out."
What a Drag
At Oregon's Harrisburg Middle School, two boys showed up for class, each "wearing a girl's cheerleader outfit, complete with a short skirt," the Eugene Register-Guard reports. School officials told the boys they were in violation of the dress code--"not because they were wearing skirts but because their skirts were too short."
Great Moments in Bureaucracy
"Luciana Buonocore would like to be known as Luciano," the Washington Post reports from Gragnano, Italy. "In fact, he would like to be known as a man. Because he is one. He was born a male 28 years ago, but the birth certificate mistakenly calls him Luciana and designates him 'female.' "
Buonocore's efforts to have the error corrected were unavailing, and he was even prevented from marrying his girlfriend because "Italy does not recognize same-sex unions." Finally he petitioned a court "to have his sexual identity overturned under Italy's sex-change law" even though "he's never had a sex change." The judge "ruled that Luciana is really all man and always has been, and whatever the pretext, it was high time to put things right."
Not Too Brite--XV
"Colombian doctors removed a 26-pound cancerous tumor from a 15-year-old girl after her parents took her to the hospital believing she was pregnant," Reuters reports from Bogota. Oddly enough!
Who Says Soccer Is Boring?
"Football [sic] authorities plan to take severe action against club Stade Olympique l'Emyrne, who scored a world-record 149 own goals in protest against alleged refereeing bias in a match on Thursday," Reuters reports from Antananarivo, Madagascar. The Antananarivo squad lost the game, 149-0, to a team called AS Adema. They were actually playing soccer, which for unknown reasons Reuters, the wire service that won't call Sept. 11 terrorism, refers to as "football."
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