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Politics : Attack Iraq? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: sandintoes who wrote (2891)	11/10/2002 8:08:57 PM
From: average joe	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 8683

No wonder they hate McDonald's! Woman Disgusted by Bomb at French McDonalds's Dinan, France—A bomb blast disgusted a woman customer at a McDonald's fast food restaurant in the western French town of Dinan on Wednesday, the Ministry of Postmodernism said. Police said the 10 a.m. blast at the drive-in window covered the entire body of the 28-year-old woman with French meat preparations. After the blast, the woman told reporters: "All I wanted was to caress my nostrils with the unspeakably erotic aroma of the special sauce and two whole beef patties. Instead, the air all around me suddenly was filled with some unspeakable stench of pâté, or something equally revolting." A ministry statement linked the attack to previous bomb blasts in the Britanny region, which had also caused great culinary upset but few casualties. "The instigators of these acts, whom we suspect are part of the Société Fanatique du Chefs Traditionnel (SFCT), do not hesitate to put French sensibilities in danger. Their movement should be viewed with the most ironical of stances,'' the ministry said in an alert issued, perhaps, to the French public. "The ministry wishes only to drip sarcasm upon their venture." The SFCT is composed of a number of radical deconstructionist chefs, who wish to analyze cooking so as to uncover the primitive, pre-commercial food basics that unite all societies at a primordial, pre-rational stratum, below the layers of false, consumerist consciousness. Their strong opposition to McDonalds is due to the fact that many of the most significant semantic tokens of post-modernist consumerism were minted in the crucible of 1950s American fast-food culture. On a rock-hard loaf of bread thrown through the restaurant window, police found a manifesto, purportedly from the SFCT: "It is truly demonic that they call these horrible entrailles ‘French Fries.’ There is nothing French about these ordures. This time we will stop the barbarians. Once, we believed that through reason alone we could discover ultimate truth and rectify the human condition. It is not possible! Now, we see that reason itself is but a cultural construct, a multifaceted prison within which the questing mind is shackled by the chains of white, male, heterosexual norms. We have discarded these shackles, and with our newfound revolutionary zeal, we have created the proper climate for hors d’oeuvres that serve a higher purpose. The Enlightenment invested man with inalienable rights, the foremost of which is a level of gastronomic fulfillment without which life is not worth living. And of course we must have our Jerry Lewis movies, as well." In the wake of the bombing, the Regional Vice President for McDonalds France, Pierre Le Chenille, offered to surrender the entire region to the SFCT, and form a "joint partnership" in which McDonalds France would do pretty much anything the SFCT told them to, so long as the chefs stopped taunting them for their bourgeois sympathies. Police said the bomb was made up of, among other things, three hundred sticks of butter, seven cow tongues, and four kilos of truffles. All of this was just a part of eight tons of ingredients stolen at gunpoint from a local patisserie last September by chefs of the Breton Culinary Institute and the Spanish guerrilla organization Basques for Bisque. Yet another Breton terrorist group, the Breton Revolutionary Appareil (ARB), has claimed responsibility for four haute cuisine attacks on fast-food establishments in the past six months. The mayor of Dinan, Rene Benoit, told TF1 television that, in a previous attack, three dozen soufflés had been tossed at the window of the McDonald's restaurant a month ago. She confirmed that one person had died of indignation, but declined further comment. stgtech.com