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Pastimes : 100 Acre Wood -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Oral Roberts who wrote (2935)	11/14/2002 7:10:38 AM
From: Augustus Gloop	Respond to of 3287

And ya gotta go home and eat some yeast pal.....you gotta rise on price <g>

To: Oral Roberts who wrote (2935)	11/14/2002 7:46:10 AM
From: Lost1	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 3287

LOL!!! God works in mysterious ways

To: Oral Roberts who wrote (2935)	11/15/2002 4:30:15 PM
From: mph	Respond to of 3287

That reminds me of this story: NOAH's ARK 2002 STYLE!!!! It is the year 2002 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the IBC 2000 codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system, floatation devices and life boats. Then my neighbor objected,claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I have applied for a variance from the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, CITES (Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species) will not issue me permits to possess over 2,0000 species of animals so these species will perish in the flood, including the Spotted Owls. PETA had a problem with the fact that animals might be held captive against their wishes and has threatened to blow up the boat. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of Universe and claimed that the flooding of wetlands could not occur for any reason. Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard! The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. The Pope called last night wanting to know if the man and women being chosen for the Ark would be Catholic. I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a " recreational water craft." Once the craft is registered I must take a class and pass a test to obtain an operators license or I will be fined for operating a vessel over 30 tons without a commercial captains license. Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event, therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."