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Strategies & Market Trends : Anthony @ Equity Investigations, Dear Anthony, -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Buckey who wrote (81681)	11/16/2002 11:03:56 PM
From: StocksDATsoar	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 122087

It's pouring, the streets are flooded and there's no place to go..So here's a few funny jokes ;( A young man named Rick is given an interview for the position of stock broker with a large Investment firm. What follows is an excerpt of this interview. Interviewer: Rick I noticed you were a student at Harvard in the Business program. Rick: Yes Sir I was. Unfortunately someone caught me cheating on the finals and I was expelled without graduating. Interviewer: You realize this impacts your employment opportunities. Rick: I definitely do sir. That paper would have made a big difference in my life. Interviewer: Rick I want to test your knowledge of finance. I will give you a term and you tell me what you think it means. Rick:No problem. Interviewer:Fundamental Analysis Rick:Fundamental analysis is a psychiatric term where the subject participates in amusing exercises and the results are used to obtain a quantitative measurement of mental state. Interviewer: P/E Ratio. Rick: Did you say pee ratio? Interviewer: Yes Rick. Rick: Oh yes. The pee ratio. Well the pee ratio is in fact a urine test. This test determines within 5% accuracy which days a woman is likely to go on her period. Interviewer: Short Squeeze Rick: The short squeeze is an exercise that a freshman to a school or a rookie to a team or job must endure. It is a form of initiation. A painful one , I might add. Interviewer: That's all the question I have Rick. Rick: How did I do. Interviewer: Let me put it this way for you Rick You have a history of cheating, can't get a job anywhere else, don't know what you are talking about but can shoot the baloney with the best of them. I'd say you are perfect for the job. The Walton's invited their new neighbors the Spit's over to dinner. During dinner Mr.Spit asked Mr.Walton what he did for a living. 4 year old Brian Walton jumped in and said " Daddy is a fisherman!" To which Mrs.Walton replied" Brian why do say that.Your daddy is a stock broker not a fisherman." "No mom. Everytime we visit dad at work and he hangs up the phone he laughs, rubs his hands together and says I just caught another fish." A stock broker to another "I don't think this line of work is for you. You just keep losing money all the time." "You're right" he replied"My whole life all I've done is lose money". Next day he comes to work and resigns. His co-worker asks" What are you going to do with your life." " I finally figured out how I can make some money from losing money all the time." "How" asks the co-worker. "I am going to build a web page and take it public." If you put two investors in a room, you get two opinions,unless one of them is a pump and dumper,in which case you get three opinions. What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock. In the first case, you help finance the local community swimming pool In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters' home pool A very successful investor was ready to pass on his $billion fortune to his three sons. However, he had always feared that his sons would be spoiled and not have any ambition other than party all the time. After much thought he decided he would split his fortune between his sons but not evenly. He devised a competition for them where the winner would be given 75% of his fortune, the second place finisher 20% and the one who finished last would be given only 5%. The rules were simple. Each son would be given $500,000 and they would have 3 months to invest it and they would be ranked at the end of the competition by how high their portfolio grew. They were also given $200,000 each that they could only use as portfolio expenditures. He wanted them to learn how to make money but learn how one would utilize resources and work with others effectively to achieve goals. The first son used his $200,000 by hiring the best scholars around. $50,000 for an Economist with a PHD, $50,000 for a mathematician and $100,00 a Business professor from Harvard. The first son's portfolio grew to $750,000. The second son used his $200,000 to hire some of the brightest minds on Wallstreet. $100,000 for 2 successful Fund managers and a $100,000 for an analyst. The second son's portfolio grew to $1,000,000. The youngest son began spending the $200,000 throwing weekend parties, taking friends to concerts, and going on trips. His portfolio grew to $10,000,000!! "Wow son how did you do that?" "Well dad. I spent $10,000 for the land. $50 for the rocks. $100 for the gold spray paint. $10,000 for the helicopter. $10,000 for the ex-geologist. $100,000 for the shell. and the rest on parties and concerts for the brokers, analysts and writers. ABC Stock reaches $155. $155 for a stock that should be valued at $50. Wow!!!! That's it I say to myself. It's time I make that decision that all longs consider at one time or another. I am going to short my first stock. I am thinking to myself "This stock is overvalued. It can't sustain these levels. This is money in the bank. Guaranteed baby!!" I phone my broker. "How can I help you Mr.Junkie." "I want to place a trade. I want to short 1000 share of ABC." After a few seconds he says, "I am sorry Mr.Junkie. I can't process that for you. Your account is a cash account. You need a margin account to short a stock. I can send you the application or you could go to your nearest financial institution to fill out the forms." I head out the door the minute I get off the phone because time was a wasting and as they say time is money. I run into the financial institution fill out the form and have a taxi deliver it directly to my broker. Next morning I call the broker. " Hello it's Mr.Junkie did you get the application" "Yes We did." "Great I would like to short ABC then." "One minute please. I am sorry Mr.Junkie but you now need a shorters account." "What! You mean the margin account isn't enough? "No you also need a shorters account. Nearest financial institution has the forms" Off I go again. I complete the form and have it sent by courier to the broker. Next day I call again. "Hello Mr.Junkie" "Please I want to short 1000 shares of abc" "One moment please." Voice returns within a few seconds. "Sorry Mr.Junkie you don't have enough funds. To short a stock you need 150% the equity value of the stock you are shorting." "Transfer the funds from my bank account." I demand. "Will do Mr.Junkie but it will take 2 days for it to be in your account" he replies two days later I call. "It's Mr.Junkie did you get the funds transfer." "Yes Mr.Junkie we did" "Great I want to short 1000 shares of abc at $155" Few moments later "Mr. Junkie I am sorry but I don't think that is possible" "Why not. Now what's the problem?" "We'll the last trade went through at $50.00 There are primarily 3 different types of investors who post on the message boards. 1) Those who don't know anything:approx. 10% 2) Those who know a little:approx. 10% 3) Those who don't realize they don't know anything:approx. 80% Recent Headlines and The Hidden Truth behind the Story! Headline#1: Number of companies Bidding on Janitorial Contracts for Law Firms in New York down 50% Translation: Significant reduction of Mergers and Acquisitions expected this year. Headline#2: SEC says that Securities Convictions are Expected to Drop next Year Translation: Jails are overcrowded, nowhere to put the violators. Headline#3: Yahoo reports Stock Message Posts have Dropped Significantly Translation: SEC had a banner year in convicting posters which caused the current overcrowded situation in Headline#2