Scene Eight: Ben Franklin Signs the Declaration of Independence
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Narrator: The trouble continued to brew. It was a time for action, and a time for words. On a hot July night in 1776, Benjamin Franklin was aroused from his work by the call of destiny….
(Knock at the door)
Jefferson: Ben, Ben! Ya in there Ben?
Franklin: Who’s that, Sylvia?
Sylvia: It’s the “call of destiny.”
Franklin: Come on, take a look through the curtains, there.
Sylvia: It’s Tom Jefferson!
Franklin: What, again? Well, it’s no good, I’ll have to let him in…I’m coming, I’m coming!
Jefferson: Hi, Ben!
Franklin: Tom.
Jefferson: You got a minute?
Franklin: Well, to tell you the truth, I was just going out of town for the weekend.
Jefferson: But it’s only Wednesday.
Franklin: Yeah. Well, you know, a penny saved is a penny earned.
Jefferson: What does that got to do with anything, Franklin?
Franklin: I don’t know. It was the first thing that came into my head. I was just making conversation. An idle brain is the Devil’s playground, you know!
Jefferson: Say, you’re pretty good at that, aren’t you?
Franklin: Yes, they’re just some new “wise sayings” I just made up.
Jefferson: Wise sayings?
Franklin: Yeah, I call ‘em “wise sayings.”
Jefferson: Uh-huh.
Franklin: Well, what can I do for you?
Jefferson: Well, I’ve got this petition here I’ve been circulating around the neighborhood. Kind of thought you’d like to sign it. It’s called the Declaration of Independence.
Franklin: Yeah, I heard about that. Sounds a little suspect if you ask me.
Jefferson: What do you mean, suspect?
Franklin: Well, you’re advocating the overthrow of the British government by force and violence, aren’t you?
Jefferson: Yeah, yeah, but we’ve had it with that royal jazz.
Franklin: Who’s we?
Jefferson: Well, all the guys.
Franklin: Who’s all the guys?
Jefferson: Oh, George, Jim Madison, Alex Hamilton, Johnny Adams-you know, all the guys.
Franklin: Hah! The lunatic fringe.
Jefferson: Oh, they are not.
Franklin: Two wild eyed radicals, professional liberals-don’t kid me.
Jefferson: You call Washington a wild-eyed radical?
Franklin: Washington? I don’t see his name on it.
Jefferson: No, but he promised to sign it.
Franklin: Oh, yeah, that’s George for you! Talks up a storm with them wooden teeth-can’t shut ‘em off! But when it comes time to put the old name on the parchment-o-roonie, try and find him.
Jefferson: What are you so surly for today?
Franklin: Surly to bed and surly to rise makes a man…
Jefferson: Alright, alright. Let’s knock off the one-line jokes and sign the petition, huh, fellah?
Franklin: Well, lemme look at it here…When in the course of human events-so and so and so and so, so and so and so and so…that among these are life, liberty, and the purfuit of happineff?
Jefferson: That’s pursuit of happiness.
Franklin: Well, all your s’s look like f’s.
Jefferson: It’s stylish. It’s in, it’s very in.
Franklin: Oh, well, if it’s in. We therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, so and so and so and so…solemnly publish and declare, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm… that they are absolved from all allegiance to-uh-the British Crown….and so on. Uh, a little overboard, isn’t it?
Jefferson: Well…
Franklin: You write this?
Jefferson: Yeah, yeah, I knocked it out. It’s just a first draft, you know.
Franklin: Well, I’ll tell you, why don’t you leave it with me, and I’ll mail it in, huh?
Jefferson: Oh, come on.
Franklin: No, I’ll tell you, Tom, let me say this-I’m with you in spirit, I’m sure you’ll understand that. But, you know, I’ve got play it conservative. I’m a businessman.
Jefferson: Yeah.
Franklin: I got the printing business going pretty good, the almanac made “Book of the Month,” and then I’ve got the inventions, you know. I’ve got pretty good distribution on the stoves now. And of course every Saturday evening I bring out the “mag.”
Jefferson: The what?
Franklin: Magazine.
Jefferson: Oh. Oh, That reminds me. That artist I sent by, did you look at his stuff?
Franklin: You mean the Rockwell boy? Skinny kid with the pipe?
Jefferson: Yeah, that’s the kid.
Franklin: Yeah, I glanced at it. He’s too far out for me.
Jefferson: Oh, yeah. Well, I know, you’ve got to play it safe.
Franklin: Yeah.
Jefferson: But getting back to the signing of the petition-how about it?
Franklin: Well, I-
Jefferson: It’s a harmless paper.
Franklin: Oh, sure, harmless. I know how these things happen. You go to a couple of harmless parties, sign a harmless petition, and forget all about it. Ten years later, you get hauled up before a committee. No, thank you, I’m not going to spend the rest of my life writing in Europe.
Jefferson: Ah, come on.
Franklin: Come on and what?
Song: A Man Can't Be Too Careful What He Signs These Days
(Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin)
Come on and put your name on the dotted line
I got to be particular what I sign
It's just a piece of paper
Just a piece of paper, that's what you say
Come on and put your signature on the list
It looks to have a very subversive twist
How silly to assume it; won't you “nom de plume” it today?
You're so skittish--who possibly could care if you do?
The Un-British Activities Committee, that's who!
Let's have a little drinko and fill the quill
It sounds a little ”pinko” to me, but still...
Knock off the timid manner if you want a banner to raise! (banner to raise)
You must take (I must take)
A stand (A stand)
For this brave (for this brave)
New land (new land)
For who wants (who wants)
To live (to live)
So conser- (so conser-)
-vative? (-vative?)
I don't dis- (He don't dis-)
-agree (agree)
BUT A MAN CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL WHAT HE SIGNS THESE DAYS!!!
Franklin: Well, if I sign it, will you renew your subscription?
Jefferson: Yeah, if you promise not to keep throwing it on the roof. If it’s not on the roof, it’s in the rosebushes or in the mud.
Franklin: My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. Besides, it’s hard to hit the porch from a horse.
Jefferson: Ah, come on, all we want to do is to hold a few truths to be self-evident.
Franklin: You’re sure it’s not gonna start a revolution or anything.
Jefferson: Trust me.
Franklin: Okay, give it to me. You got a quill on you?
Jefferson: Yeah, here you are.
Franklin: Hah! Look at that showoff Hancock, willya! Pretty flamboyant signature for an insurance man.
Jefferson: Ah, you did a good thing, Ben. You won’t be sorry, heh, heh. Now if I can just get another three or four guys, we’ll be all set.
Franklin: Well, I’ll tell you one thing.
Jefferson: What’s that?
Franklin: You better get ‘em to sign it in the next couple of days, before they all take off for the Fourth of July weekend. |
