friday funnies...
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to
their diets.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges,
but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies. They
would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
One of the life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can
make a woman gain five pounds.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers and nobody bothers
to ask you the questions.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing
in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at
the tempting moment.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Life doesn't just begin at forty; it also begins to show then.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain
consciousness.
If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old
because you stop laughing.
I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more
cheese.
I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing
together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and
it shrinks two sizes.
It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to
your hips.
Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.
The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is
expecting a baby.
Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she
can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled
backwards?
.................
A few romantic poems...
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you, cause I was pissed .....
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar
bowl's empty and so is your head.
After you, my love, my only prize
Would be a bullet between my eyes
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you're not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
Every time I see your face
I wish I were in outer space
I saw your face as you walked by
but then I saw a better guy
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If it's true, I'd prefer you inside out.
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
......................
My husband sat on the floor one night, watching
TV, while our three-year-old grandson, Collin,
sat on the sofa behind him.
Seeing the top of his grandfather's head, Collin said
anxiously, "PopPop, your head is sticking out of
your hair!"
.....................
Last time Bill was in the hospital, he really enjoyed
himself: Patting the bottoms of the pretty nurses,
offering to show them his circumcision scar, and the
like. One nurse finally had all she could stand of his
crude behavior and said, "A pervert like you should be
living in a whore house!"
Bill grinned at her and said, "Well, it WOULD be
cheaper than here, but I can't get my insurance to pay
for it."
good fortune...
pops
compiled and edited Copyright Stock Den Digest© 2002 |
