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BY JAMES TARANTO Thursday, January 2, 2003 1:42 p.m. EST
[64]You Don't Say--I "Don't Bet on Bipartisan Niceties"--headline, David Broder column, Washington Post, Jan. 1
[65]Can the Dems Ape Fox? Democrats "are scouring the nation for a liberal answer to Rush Limbaugh and the many others on the deep bench of Republican friends," the New York Times reports. "They say their concerns have taken on a new urgency because of the rise to the top of the cable news ratings by the Fox News Channel, considered by many to have a conservative slant," adds the Times, considered by many to have a liberal slant.
One group of well-heeled Democrats "is toying with the idea of starting a liberal cable network." John Podesta, who served as Bill Clinton's chief of staff, "is discussing . . . the creation of a liberal version of the Heritage Foundation." Other Democrats and liberals are trying "to foster national liberal radio personalities" to counter the likes of Rush Limbaugh.
Well for crying out loud, guys, why not dare to dream big? American liberalism is pretty pathetic if its highest aspiration is to mimic Fox, Heritage and Rush. Here's a much more ambitious goal: Why not counter the vast right-wing conspiracy by taking over the "mainstream" media? And if it's research you want, maybe you should set your sights on America's system of higher education. If you could get liberals onto college and university faculties, they would have the opportunity to mold young minds as well as influence the political debate.
Imagine a world in which more than 80% of journalists vote Democratic, and in which left-liberal scholars vastly outnumber conservatives at colleges and universities across the country. It'd be a liberal dream, right?
Savvy readers will note that we are describing the world as it is, rather than as it might be. (And we haven't even mentioned Hollywood.) Fox, Rush and Heritage have been successful, and partly it is because they have set themselves apart from the liberal "mainstream." Similar liberal efforts are doomed to fail because they will not be able to set themselves apart.
Maybe there are people who would prefer to get their news from a network that openly acknowledges its liberal bias. But where would such a network find talent? Fox's success isn't just a matter of its alleged conservative slant; it also has an excellent lineup of anchormen, hosts and commentators. Talented right-leaning broadcast journalists--the Brit Humes, Tony Snows and David Asmans of the world--are, we'd venture, more comfortable working for Fox than in a newsroom where most colleagues view their political outlook with disdain.
In contrast, talented liberal broadcast journalists are right at home at CNN, PBS, NPR and what used to be called the three major networks. Why would they want to leave for a network that (unlike Fox) is openly partisan? Similarly, why would a talented scholar want to work for a left-wing Heritage clone rather than get a tenured position at a college somewhere?
Liberals find themselves in a tough situation. They no longer control any branch of government, and while they still predominate in journalism, entertainment and academia, these are not necessarily politically effective institutions. The news media must maintain at least an aura of objectivity. (This applies to "fair and balanced" Fox too, and its news coverage is no more biased than the New York Times' or CNN's.) Hollywood and the academy are insulated from any political accountability by great wealth and tenure, respectively; and the likes of Barbra Streisand and Noam Chomsky do more to discredit the liberal cause than all the Rush Limbaughs put together.
Is there a way forward for American liberals? Probably, but we can't imagine what it might be.
[66]Bartlett, Call Your Office Quick, who said "Make no mistake about it"? If you said about a zillion people, you're right--but Reuters attributes authorship of the phrase--among others--to President Bush. The "news" service reports from Sault Ste. Marie, Mich.:
Overused cliches, wordy redundancies and hyperbolic phrases--including "make no mistake about it" from President Bush--were declared banished Wednesday by the university overseers of an annual list of banned words.
Other favored utterances of President Bush--sometimes called "Bushisms"--such as "material breach," "weapons of mass destruction," and "homeland security," were the tired targets of the New Year's Day list compiled by the public relations staff at Lake Superior State University.
The [67]actual list makes no mention of the president, so Reuters' Bush-bashing is sheer editorializing.
[68]Is There a Doctor in the Senate? Bill Frist, the Senate majority leader, "gave medical care Wednesday to six people ejected from an Isuzu SUV when it rolled over on Interstate 75" in Broward County, Fla., CNN reports. Frist, a surgeon, was vacationing in Florida when he came upon the accident scene. Todd Leduc, the county's fire rescue assistant chief, tells the network Frist "helped assess victims and did some medical procedures, including putting people on life support systems, and helped get the medical equipment in order. It made all the difference, his help was invaluable."
In fairness to the Democrats, we should point out that they too have a physician-lawmaker, Rep. Jim McDermott of Washington state, a psychiatrist. McDermott has been known to administer [69]not only aid but comfort.
[70]What's an Arab Life Worth? Last April a Palestinian woman was brutally murdered, stabbed more than 25 times. On Tuesday her killer went free after a court sentenced him to six months, time he'd already served.
An Israeli outrage? No. It happened in Jordan. The killer, Hussein Ahmad, was the father of the 18-year-old victim, Amal. They lived in the Hiteen refugee camp. The Jordan Times describes what happened:
On April 21, the day of the murder, the governor contacted the defendant and informed him that his daughter was in government custody. The father went and signed a guarantee that he would not harm or kill his daughter, the court said.
Shortly after arriving home, however, the defendant took his daughter to a room and closed the door behind him, the court record said. The defendant began questioning his daughter about her disappearance, preaching to her to be a good girl, the record continued, but she replied: "It is my life. I am free to do what I want." . . .
The court said Ahmad drew a knife he carried due to the nature of his job as the employee of a junkyard, stabbed his daughter all over her body, and then went out and told his family he had killed her.
The court went easy on Ahmad "because he killed his daughter in a 'fit of rage.' " The paper adds: "In an earlier story reported by The Jordan Times in April, when the woman was first reported killed, medical officials who examined her said they proved she had not been involved in any sexual activities and that her hymen was intact." Presumably had she not been a virgin, her murderer would have gotten an even lighter sentence.
[71]Population Control The New Republic notes a chilling statement from Didymus Mutasa, an official in Robert Mugabe's murderous Zimbabwean dictatorship: "We would be better off with only six million people . . . who support the liberation struggle. . . . We don't want all these extra people."
[72]Nukes! Get Yer Nukes Here! How hard would it be for terrorists to get nuclear weapons? Maybe easier than you think. We did a search on the FoxNews.com Web site for "nuclear weapons," and up popped the following message:
[73]Find nuclear weapons at SuperPages.com- Connecting Buyers and Sellers! - SuperPages.com is the leading online Yellow Pages directory service with millions of business and residential listings
We tried it again, and here's what we got:
[74]Look for nuclear weapons at eBay - The World's Online Marketplace - Find it at eBay - Over 5 million items for sale! The most fun buying and selling on the web! Try it, you'll love it!
[75]Another One Bites the Sand--II Remember [76]back in July, when three Saudi princes died untimely deaths (at ages 25, 41 and 43), all within a week? The Los Angeles Times reports on another one: "Mohammed al-Fassi, the Saudi Arabian sheik who provoked his Beverly Hills neighbors' ire in the late 1970s when he painted his Sunset Boulevard mansion and its outdoor nude statues garish colors, has died. He was 50."
Al-Fassi's death would have gone almost totally unnoticed were it not for Slate's [77]Tim Noah, who noted it in a column on how deaths in the last week of a year seldom get any attention unless the departed is very famous.
[78]You Don't Say--II "Blair Sees Possible Iraq War, Terror Attack in 2003"--headline, Reuters, Jan. 1
[79]You Don't Say--III "N. Korea, Iraq Pose Different Threats"--headline, "news analysis," USA Today, Jan. 2
[80]Saved by the Bowl A Palestinian terrorist managed to enter the home of an Israeli couple, Roland and Patricia Mori, "and even to fire one bullet," Arutz Sheva reports. "At that point, however, his gun jammed, and Roland began throwing dishes and other objects at the terrorist." The couple fled and got help, and Israeli soldiers subsequently killed the terrorist.
[81]Now We'll Lose for Sure "A high-level government official said Thursday Belgium would not participate in a war against Iraq under current circumstances," the Associated Press reports from Brussels.
[82]Blame Canada A new poll of Canadians finds that "almost seven in 10 believe the U.S. is 'starting to act like a bully with the rest of the world.' " Hey, c'mon, Canada, don't make us kick your ass.
[83]Jimmy Gets the Willies "The Scandinavian singer SISSEL" recently "was serenading JIMMY CARTER at a concert to celebrate the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo," reports the New York Times' MARC SANTORA:
She said the former president was very sweet and had only one request. "He asked for WILLIE NELSON," she said. So Willie Nelson he got, singing a Carter favorite, "Georgia on My Mind."
That's odd. Here's a line from "[84]Georgia on My Mind": "Georgia, Georgia, no peace I find."
[85]Say What?--I "As we all know since 9/11, life changes," the Atlanta Journal-Constitution quotes Baylor University president Robert Sloan as saying. "And I think everybody's willing to keep an open mind on these things." An unremarkable quote, except that what he's referring to has nothing to do with Sept. 11. He was actually speaking about a proposal to hold a college-football "Bowl Championship Series" after the regular bowl games.
[86]Say What?--II The New York Times reports from Baghdad that Iraqis' salaries have been "rendered virtually worthless by a devaluation of the Iraqi dinar of around 8,000 percent over 20 years." Hmm, if the dinar had lost half its value, that would be a 50% devaluation. If it lost all its value, that would be a 100% devaluation. What in the world is an 8,000% devaluation?
[87]You Don't Say--IV "Defense Lawyers in China Find State Is Judge and Jury"--headline, Washington Post, Dec. 31
[88]You Don't Say--V "Snowmobile Users Urged to Stay Sober"--headline, Detroit News, Jan. 1
[89]You Don't Say--VI "Crash Death Sad End to Weekend"--headline, (Denver) Rocky Mountain News, Dec. 31
[90]You Don't Say--VII "Cocaine May Dampen Life's Pleasure in General"--headline, Reuters, Jan. 1
[91]You Don't Say--VIII "Local People Want Local News"--headline, Dot-Journalism ("online news for online journalists"), Dec. 16
The Onion Imitates the Onion
"Hershey's Ordered to Pay Obese Americans $135 Billion"--headline, the [92]Onion, Aug. 3, 2000
"Hershey's Ordered to Pay Obese Americans $135 Billion"--headline, the [93]Onion, Jan. 1, 2003
[94]The Sophisticated French Parisians kicked off 2003 with riots, the South African Press Association reports. "Almost 130 cars were burnt and 120 people were reported injured after celebrations turned sour. Forty of those remain in hospital. Police said they had arrested 70 people. Telephone kiosks and bus stops were destroyed, as people threw stones and set rubbish bins on fire."
Meanwhile, the [95]Scotsman reports that a Frenchman "raced through a motorway road block, triggering a high-speed police car chase that ended in a minor crash" near Marseilles. The man told police he was being "chased by Martians."
The Toronto [96]Globe and Mail reports that "within a century, springtime in Saskatoon may be as delightful as springtime in Paris."
[97]Many Unhappy Returns Here in New York, trash-strewn sidewalks are a common sight. The reason: a state law requiring that most beverage containers carry a five-cent deposit. For someone who works for a living, it isn't worth the time or effort to lug empties back to the store, so we just toss them. Bums then tear apart garbage bags, rooting through the trash in search of redeemable cans and bottles.
The New York Times reports Germany has come up with a solution to this problem--but it sounds at least as nightmarish:
Starting Jan. 1, shopkeepers will add 25 or 50 cents to the price of nonreusable cans and bottles, depending on size. To get the deposit back, customers must return empties to the shop where they bought them--proving it by showing a receipt or the original packaging. . . .
Commuters who buy a can of beer in the Munich train station to drink on their way to Stuttgart will have to keep the empty can until they return to Munich, or lose the deposit.
[98]Where Would We Be Without Experts? Agence France-Presse reports from Auckland, New Zealand, that "a small Pacific island, Tikopia, has been hit by 40-foot waves generated by a cyclone that seems to have swept away villages and destroyed the lagoon around the island, experts here said today."
[99]Get a Wife Steve Horowitz hadn't had a date in eight years. The Associated Press reports the 53-year-old man posted a "large portable sign" reading WIFE WANTED in front of his Cedar Springs, Mich., home. "But after hearing from about 60 women and going out with three, the 53-year-old says all he's looking for now is a second date with one. So the sign has come down."
Horowitz, who sleeps "in his living room on a pair of mattresses stacked atop a dining room table," says of the woman, with whom he had lunch: "I think this really could be the one." His prospective ladyfriend, "who declines to be identified pending future dates," says only that she's "intrigued" and "open to the idea of a relationship."
Meanwhile, [100]Salon offers some useful dating advice: "Don't assume that because someone has one clearly visible eyebrow there is a matching one on the other side."
(Elizabeth Crowley helps compile Best of the Web Today. Thanks to Marc Zimmerman, David Douglas, Michael Segal, Janice Lyons, Patrick Swan, Josh Barro, C.E. Dobkin, Neal Sanders, John Lawton, Mara Gold, Jerome Marcus, Howard Weiser, Gershon Dubin, Barak Moore, Peter Ingemi, Paul Music, Judie Amsel, S.E. Brenner, Dan Frank, S. Roberts, Hershel Ginsburg, William Schultz, Richard Buttimer, Raghu Desikan, Brian Rom, E.V. Kontorovich, Steven Maosn, Paul Ruschmann, Tom Koenig, Peter Melvoin, Charlie Gaylord, Joy Rothke, Carl Sherer, Jenifer Sawicki and Aviva Ross. If you have a tip, write us at [101]opinionjournal@wsj.com, and please include the URL.) |
