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Pastimes : A Jackass, his PAL(indrome), and GOLD -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: crdesign who wrote (229)	1/16/2003 5:08:14 PM
From: Jim Willie CB	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1210

>The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he >kept in the hen house out the back of the parish house. He had a cock >rooster and about ten hens. > >One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and as that was the >time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do >something about it at church the next morning. At Mass, he asked the >congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" > >All the men stood up. > >"No no" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" > >All the women stood up. > >"No no" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock >that doesn't belong to them?" > >Half the women stood up. > >"No no" he said "That wasn't what I meant either. Has anybody seen MY cock?" > >All the altar boys stood up.

To: crdesign who wrote (229)	1/16/2003 5:10:38 PM
From: Jim Willie CB	Respond to of 1210

Paul returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Alma that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Paul went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Alma agrees and again they make love. Later, Paul is getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, than afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Paul, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?" His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Paul, I have to get up in the morning! You don't."

To: crdesign who wrote (229)	1/16/2003 5:12:00 PM
From: Jim Willie CB	Respond to of 1210

> Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's > minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught > in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the > attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. > > "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all > to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the > neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry," Jack > said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, > we'll be gone at first light." > > The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled > in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on > their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. > > About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. > > It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined > that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the > ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you > remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski > holiday up North?" > > "Yes, I do." > > "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house > and pay her a visit?" > > "Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to > admit that I did." > > "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" > > Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. > Why do you ask?" > > "She just died and left me everything." > > (And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?) > > Caught you smiling -

To: crdesign who wrote (229)	1/16/2003 5:13:49 PM
From: Jim Willie CB	Respond to of 1210

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course" slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening". "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."