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Microcap & Penny Stocks : TGL WHAAAAAAAT! Alerts, thoughts, discussion. -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jim Bishop who wrote (112154)	1/18/2003 1:59:20 PM
From: jmhollen	Respond to of 150070

A definitely fast lane-appearing couple coasted up to what looked like a Long Branch Saloon re-run in a dusty little cow town at the NV-UT line. After the dust settled around their 500SEL Krautrod they got out, went in, and settled on a pair of stools at the bar. Mr. Large-in Charge-&-Cool ordered an imported brew, and his voluptuous, deep-v-cut, satin-wrapped co-pilot ordered wine spritzer - which was a bit of a challenge for the backwater bartender. Two stools towards the back of the bar sat an old tattered prospector nursing his last nugget's worth of Bud. And, as hard as he tired, he just couldn't keep his eyes off those bulges protruding out of front of that slinky satin angel's gown nearby. Finally, he muttered something about "..kissin' just one o' dem..", and things started going south in a hurry..... The 'boyfriend' got hot, went over and swatted the old prospector right off his stool. Muttering his apologies, the prospector moved one stool farther away, nursing the sore side of his head. But, he just couldn't keep his eyes off the copilot's blessings......... This time, a little bolder from a few more slugs of Bud, he muttered, "....I'd give $500 just to kiss one o' dem........" - and Mr. Cool was up like a flash......... At this juncture the "copilot" grabbed macho-Bob's arm and said, "...Back off, I'll handle this. You lost our last $50 on that craps table in Vegas, the Mercedes is near Empty - so sit down and shut up..."!!! Slithering off the barstool, slinking over to the old prospector, and draping a shapely arm around his shoulder, she said, "...What was that you said ol' timer..."?!? He sputtered, and fidgeted, and finally said, "....I'm sorry Missy, been out in the mines too long, don't wanna get hit no more, I take it back...". "..Oh, don't mind him...", she said. "...Now, what was that about $500 dollars..."?? Gathering his last ounce of courage, the old prospector said, "...You just so damn bootiful, and ya have dem wonderful breasts, I..., I...., I'd give $500 dollars just ta nuzzle and kiss 'em fur a few minutes...."!!! "...Well, where could we go do this..."?, she queried. "...B, b, b, b, b, bak de're...., bak de're in the storeroom, Missy...", he stuttered, pointing towards the end of the bar. She took the old fellow by the arm and sashayed along side him back to the storeroom at the far end of the bar. After closing the door, which didn't quite latch, the copilot slipped her gown off of her shoulders, and the old prospector proceeded to commence "..nuzzlin' and a smootchin.." her centerfold-quality offerings. The thoroughly whizzed 'boyfriend', in the meantime, had snuck up to the storeroom door and - with fists clenched and demeanor seething - was watching the goin's on through the small space between the door and the rickety old doorframe.... As the roughness of the prospector’s scrabbly old beard started to become a bit irritating, the copilot inquired as to when he was going to be finished, and settle up. "...Jus' anudder minute now Missy...", he said, nuzzlin' and smootchin' away. "...Well, let's get it over with. How much longer, now.."??, she repeated - becoming a bit more annoyed. "...Jus' anudder minute now, please Missy...", he said. "...Why do you need another minute, damnit, I want my money and your beard hurts...."!!! "...Well, we'ze commin' to da hard part, Missy...", he said. "...I jus need one more minute or two to think..!! So's I can figure out jus' whar I'm gonna git $500....."!!!! .

To: Jim Bishop who wrote (112154)	1/25/2003 2:07:26 PM
From: CerealMan	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 150070

friday funnies... lol...thanks JB... One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine? I replied, "It depends. What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Minnesota Vikings." (And they say blondes are dumb!!! ) ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Recent research shows that there are five kinds of sex. The first kind of sex is Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face. The second kind of sex is Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The third kind of sex is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex in your bedroom. The fourth kind of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "Farken You". The fifth kind of sex is Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "I voted Republican this year. The Democrats left a bad taste in my mouth." -- Monica Lewinsky I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance... she leaned over and pushed me. ......................... I had just finished visiting a friend in the hospital and stopped by a burger drive-through for lunch to eat on the way back to work. I ordered the #1 combo (burger, fry, coke) for $4.29. She said "that'll be $4.83, please drive forward." "$4.83? For a $4.29 meal? That's 54 cents tax! That can't be right," my mind raced. Tax is 8 cents on the dollar in Huntsville and for 4 dollars that would be 32 cents plus 1/3 (29) of 8 cents would be 35 cents max. I'd heard of window workers overcharging drive through customers and skimming the money for themselves. Someone did just that to me at a Hardees couple of years ago. I didn't have my calculator watch (I lost it a while back) so I got a pen and paper and did the long division since there were 2 cars ahead of me. Let's see ... 483/429 ... over 12 percent tax! When I got to the window I handed her a 5 and said "what's the sales tax in Huntsville?" She didn't know. I said "$4.83 for a $4.29 meal is 12 percent tax. That can't be right. Can I talk to the manager?" She gave me my change and called the manager. So the manager comes over. I ask what the sales tax is in Huntsville, and she says 8 percent. I say that I just paid $4.83 for a $4.29 meal and that's over 12 percent sales tax. She got a funny look on her face and said that maybe the computer had rung it up wrong or had charged me for the biggie size. (biggie upgrade was 35 cents - which would be 4.64 plus tax which would put it over $5). She admitted it was supposed to be 4.63, and opened the drawer to give me my extra change. "HA!" I thought to myself. "Six years engineering school has so heightened my mental mathematical adeptness that I can do percentages in my head and my superior intellect has foiled a feeble attempt by a drive-through worker to overcharge me." I took the twenty cents she handed me, proud of my staggering genius, and smugly drove off without my food. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot. It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there. They have no wife to go home to... ...or they do. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, MARIA: I'll have you know that I've been asked to get married lots of times PAUL: No kidding! Who asked you? MARIA: My mother and my father. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Automobile Acronyms... AUDI... Accelerates Under Demonic Influence Always Unsafe Designs Implemented BMW... Beautiful Mechanical Wonder Big Money Works Bought My Wife Brutal Money Waster BUICK... Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer CHEVROLET... Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time DODGE... Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere FIAT... Failure in Italian Automotive Technology Fix It All the Time Fix it again, Tony! FORD... backwards --> Driver Returns On Foot First On Recall Day First On Rust and Deterioration First On Recall Day First On Rust and Deterioration Fix Or Repair Daily Found On Road, Dead Fault Of R&D Fast Only Rolling Downhill Features O.J. and Ron's DNA GM... General Maintenance GMC... Garage Man's Companion Got A Mechanic Coming? HONDA... Had One Never Did Again Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else. (I added that one.) HYUNDAI... Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive... MAZDA... Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along OLDSMOBILE... Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day. Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment SAAB... Send Another Automobile Back Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown. TOYOTA... Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto VOLVO... Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object VW... Virtually Worthless and finally... There are 100 nuns in a nunnery. One day the Mother Superior calls an emergancy meeting. "Nuns" she says, "a terrible thing has happened. I have found a condom." At the news 99 nuns went "Oh no!" and 1 went "Ha ha ha ha." "If the Arch Bishop ever found out he would close us down!" the Mother Superior said. Once again 99 went "Oh no!" and 1 laughed. "It gets worse" the Mother Superior continued, "It was used!" Again, 99 went "Oh no!" and one laughed. "To top it all off," the Mother Superior finished, "It had a hole in it!" This time 99 laughed and one went "Oh no!!!" good fortune ... pops compiled and edited Copyright Stock Den Digest© 2002-03