friday funnies...
fun stuff...
The year is 1902... what a difference a century
makes. Here are the U.S. statistics for 1902....
The average life expectancy in the US was forty-seven.
Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily
populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour.
The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist
$2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home.
Ninety percent of all US physicians had no college education. Instead,
they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee
cost fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg
yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country
for any reason.
The five leading causes of death in the US were: 1. Pneumonia and
influenza 2. Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii
and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30.
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
One in ten US adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all
Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at
corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the
complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the
bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."
Eighteen percent of households in the US had at least one full-time
servant or domestic.
There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US.
Just think what it will be like in another 100 years. It boggles the
mind.
.................................
THINKING
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on
beer cans.........
I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have
something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
I thought about making a movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping
Rust."
I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my
face.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older - then it dawned on me - they were cramming for their
finals!
You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have
you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"
I' ve thought about those employment applications and that blank that
always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you
should write . . . Good Doctor!
I've always wondered why they put pictures of criminals up in the Post
Office? What are we supposed to do .. . write to these men?Why don't
they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could
look for them while they deliver the mail?
I thought about being rich and it don't mean so much Just look at Henry
Ford, all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!
If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?
I wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?
I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it! There are plenty more
ribs where you came from!"
I have decided that Nostalgia is the VCR of our minds.
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Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them.
The beech says to the birch "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a
birch?" The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if
that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.
He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in !
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Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the
forest. Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the
path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your breasts dry!"
Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take
the shortcut through the forest anyway. The turtle stopped Little Red
and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf
finds you, he'll suck your breasts dry!"
Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest. Sure
enough, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her "Take off
your shirt Little Red Riding Hood - I'm gonna suck your breasts dry!!"
"Oh no you don't", yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, "You're
gonna eat me just like the story says!"
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The Truth about Taxes
Let's try to put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand...
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten
comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it
would go something like this:
The first four men, the poorest, would pay nothing;
The fifth would pay $1;
The sixth would pay $3;
The seventh $7;
The eighth $12;
The ninth $18;
The tenth man, the richest, would pay $59.
That's what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the
restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day,
the restaurant owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good
customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by
$20.
"So now dinner for the ten only cost $80. The group still wanted to pay
their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were
unaffected. They would still eat for free. But...what about the other six, the
paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that
everyone would get his "fair share?"
The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they
subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth
man would end up actually being "paid" to eat their meal. That couldn't
possibly be right...so the restaurant owner suggested that it would be
fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he
proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. So now, after the
reduction:
The fifth man paid nothing;
The sixth pitched in $2;
The seventh paid $5;
The eighth paid $9;
The ninth paid $12;
Leaving the tenth man with a bill of $52 instead of his earlier $59.
With this arrangement each of the six "payers" was better off than
before and the first four "non payers" continued to eat for free. But once
outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only
got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the
tenth. "But he got $7!" "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man.
"I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got seven times more
than me!" "That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $7
back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!" "Wait a
minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at
all. This system exploits the poor!"
The first nine men then surrounded the tenth man and beat him up. The
next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down
and ate without him. But...when it came time to pay the bill, they
discovered something very important. They were $52 short!
That, boys and girls, journalists and college instructors, is how the
tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most
benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being
wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. Unfortunately,
some folks cannot grasp this logic!
Fox News Network
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and finally...
A blonde was walking by the travel agent and saw a sign that said
Cruise for $39. She walked in and plunked her money on the table.
The travel agent grabbed her, tied her to a wooden plank and threw her
into the river out back. Another blonde walked in a few minutes later,
plunked
down her money and she too was grabbed, tied to a wooden plank and
thrown into the river out back. The current was swift, so she caught up
with the first blonde and they both floated together for a while.
She asked, "Do they serve drinks on this cruise?"
The first blonde said,. . . "They didn't last time."
good fortune...
pops
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