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Microcap & Penny Stocks : TGL WHAAAAAAAT! Alerts, thoughts, discussion. -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: bbgold who wrote (112545)	2/14/2003 5:04:42 PM
From: CerealMan	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 150070

blond jokes... 1. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? (You have to hollow out the head.) 2. Why won't they hire blondes as pharmacists? (They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.) 3. Hear about the blonde that got an AM RADIO? (It took her a month to realize she could play it in the afternoon.) 4. What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? (They drowned during Spring Training.) 5. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? (To see what was on the other side.) 6. How did the blonde die drinking milk? (The cow stepped on her.) 7. How did the blonde burn her nose? (Bobbing for French fries.) 8. Why do blondes have more fun? (They're easier to amuse.) 9. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? (Frosted flakes.) 10. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? (They keep breaking them with their hammers.) 11. Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air? (She missed.) 12. What is it when a blonde blows into another blonde's ear? (Data transfer.) 13. Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children? (Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese.) 14. Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead? (She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind.) 15. Why did the blonde ask her friends to save burned-out light bulbs? (She needed them for the darkroom she was building.) 16. Why are Asians so smart? (No blondes.) 17. What is the biggest advantage to marrying a blonde? (You get to park in the Handicapped Zone) ..................... 7 Things To Do When Your ISP Goes Down... 1. Dial 911 Immediately. 2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years. 3. You mean there's something else to do? 4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote. 5. Work. 6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family. 7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off. ...................... A blond called her attorney and asked, "I hear they are suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer, and now someone is suing the fast food goliaths for making them fat, so what I want to know is.... Can I sue Budweiser for all the ugly men I have slept with?" ....................... A man enters the confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say 3 Hail Mary's. Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest asks, "Who is "Fannie Green?" "A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. "Very well," says the priest. "Go and say 10 Hail Mary's." The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when, suddenly a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in sits with her legs slightly spread apart. The priest turns to the altar boy and asks, "Is that Fannie Green?" The altar boy, whose eyes are popping out of his head, replies; "No Father, I think its just the reflection off her shoes." ............................... Lawyer jokes... What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A prostitute will usually quit screwing you when you're dead. ............. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving. .............. Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional curtesy. ............. Why do they bury lawyers 12 feet deep? Because deep down, lawyers are okay. ................ What's the definition of shame? When a busload of lawyers goes of a cliff. What's the definition of a crying shame? There's an empty seat. ................. A Little boy asks his mother, "Mom, do prostitutes have babies?" "Of course, sweetie, where do you think all the lawyers come from" ................. HOOKERS & LAWYERS BOTH GET THEIR CLIENTS OFF .............. Leroy is a 9th grader. This is Leroy's homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence. 1. Foreclose - If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money foreclose. 2. Rectum - I had two Cadillacs, but my ol'lady rectum both. 3. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs and the hotel everybody. 4. Disappointment - My parole officer tol me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to da big house. 5. Penis - I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said penis. 6. Israel - Alsonso tried to sell me a Rolex. I said, man dat looks fake. He said bullshit, dat watch Israel. 7. Catacomb - Don King was at the fight the other night, man somebody oughta give dat catacomb. 8. Undermine - There is a fine looking hoe living in da apartment undermine. 9. Acoustic - When I was liddle, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to da pool hall. 10. Iraq - When we go to da pool hall, I tol my uncle Iraq, you break. 11. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her do you plan on stain for dinner? 12. Seldom - My cousin gave me two tickets to the Nicks game, so I seldom. 13. Honor - At the rape trial, the Judge axed my buddy, who be honor first? 14. Odyssey - I tol my brother, you odyssey the tits on this hoe. 15. Axe - The policeman wanted to axe me some questions. 16. Tripoli - I was gonna buy my ol'lady a bra for her birthday, but I couldn't find a tripoli. 17. Fortify - I axed the hoe how much? She said fortify. 18. Income - I just got in bed with da hoe and income my wife. ..................... The Perks of Being Over 40... 1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 3. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M. 9. You can live without sex but not without glasses. 10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. 11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. 13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 15. You sing along with elevator music. 16. Your eyes won't get much worse. 17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. ................................ [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2002 Crack Found on Governor's Daughter Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Teacher Strikes Idle Kids Miners Refuse to Work after Death Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant War Dims Hope for Peace If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors compiled and edited Copyright Stock Den Digest© 2002-03 good fortune ... pops