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Politics : Attack Iraq? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: GROUND ZERO™ who wrote (3737)	2/17/2003 7:53:54 AM
From: AK2004	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 8683

GZ re: Is france still a part of europe? speaking of europe, one of the analysts speculated that France would use this in order to establish itself as a leader of EU. I can not imagine anyone, especially brits, following french <ggg> -Albert

To: GROUND ZERO™ who wrote (3737)	2/17/2003 11:18:09 AM
From: Mark Fleming	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 8683

The French, being French, have had a remarkable lack of success when it comes to fighting wars. The following is a brief summary of their history of dubious military achievements. Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. The Dutch War - Tied. War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War? - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frenchmen the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." French Revolution - Won, due only to the fact that the opponent was also French. The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican. The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. War in Indochina - Lost. Ignominiously withdraw after huge defeats in 1954. Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Classic Quote: "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." -- Donald Rumsfeld