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Politics : PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: TigerPaw who wrote (363870)	2/26/2003 2:12:02 PM
From: Skywatcher	Respond to of 769670

Time for the debate COMMENTARY The George and Saddam Show: Stones and Sticks By Bruce McCall, Bruce McCall is a regular contributor to the New Yorker. The first George W. Bush-Saddam Hussein Debate: President Bush: Mr. Dictator, we know you folks have a mass of destructive weapons, mass weapons of destruction, destructive mass weapons and so forth, and you'd better.... Saddam Hussein: I cannot talk with this man until I am paid my usual speaking fee, in cash. President: You'll have to see Cheney on that. Hussein: In any event, I require an hour before beginning, in order to collect my notes. President: He's stalling again. Time is running out, Mr. Saddam. Or is it Mr. Hussein? If you guys can't get your own names straight, how can we? Hussein: How do I know that this glass of water is not poisoned? Summon my elite Republican Guard taster! President: You know, that mustache of yours reminds me of Yosemite Sam. Hussein: I require a timeout to tie my shoelace. President: He's one of my all-time favorite cartoon characters.... Wait a sec! He's wearing combat boots! Tying that shoelace could take hours! Another deliberate evasion. Hussein: Combat boots are necessary in case the U.S. tricksters should attempt a hotfoot. President: I'll give you a hotfoot. Hussein: I come in peace and he speaks of hotfeet! My combat boots are a soldier's footwear. You, with your ridiculous cowboy boots! President: Genuine Texas cowboy boots. Real alligator skin. You know how much these set me back? Hussein: Your eyes really are too close together. I had thought that was only the photographs, but no.... Little beady eyes, too close together. How can I debate a beady-eyed man? President: We wear cowboy boots so we won't get bit by snakes. That's appropriate here. Hussein: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." I turn this old American adage against my opponent. President: Stones and sticks? Good one! You mean, insults just bounce off, right? Could you go slower and repeat that? Hussein: I will repeat only that we have no weapons of mass destruction. Some old vacuum cleaner parts, a few Roman candles for my birthday party. President: It's clear that we're getting nowhere, and it's time for my nap, so.... Hussein: We Iraqis have an old saying, that the camel who sleeps while the jackals are awake is easy prey. President: Now that's a fine howdy-do, your bringing prayer into it. You oughta get back to Baghdad pronto and pray your brains out. You'll need every .... Hussein: Your threats do not scare Saddam Hussein, beady-eyed bully boy. President: You want to take this outside? Hussein: You think you're tough enough? President: Just try me, horse face. Hussein: Better a horse face than a beady-eyed man with eyes too close together, like a marmoset! President: Marmoset! You hear that? He called me a marmoset! Dick, Rummy, Condi -- what's a marmoset? The debate is closed, with no plans for a repeat. CC