George is right and the whole world is wrong
By Bev Conover
Online Journal Editor & Publisher
onlinejournal.com
February 27, 2003—Brother and sister traitors, loony radicals and conspiracy wackos, it's time to sit back and enjoy the Bush administration's "lovely" war on Iraq and stop dreaming about impeachment, a full investigation of 9/11 or putting corporate criminals behind bars.
Don't you understand that "the adults are now in charge" and if we "kiddies" don't shape up and stop mouthing off, we will be harshly dealt with? Can you say "gulag" or "concentration camp?" How about "firing squad?"
Really, we "usual suspects" must stop taking to the streets with our silliness in trying to stop a perfectly good war. Our antics really upset George W., the anointed one, and that is the same as upsetting God. And you all know what happens when you anger God. He smites you.
George, who is bursting at the seams to play with his arsenal of shiny new death toys, says God has commanded him to smite all evil in the world. The only way to smite all that "evil" is through endless wars, beginning in Iraq where the "mother of all evil," Saddam Hussein, is currently in charge.
Furthermore, George says God has chosen America, Inc., to rule over His earthly kingdom to thwart further "evil doing." And if George fails to produce what God has commanded him to, the Big Guy in the Sky is not going to be a happy camper.
So all that talk about oil and dollars and euros is just a bunch of hooey. You might say it's all merely collateral spoils.
George says that God has even given him Three Wise Men—Donald "Dr. Strangelove" Rumsfeld, John "The Divine Crisco Kid" Ashcroft and Colin "The Repentant Poodle" Powell—to help him carry out God's work, plus a bonus helper: Tony "His Moral Eminence and Lapdog" Blair.
And who better for the job than George who personally engaged in every evil going before he was "saved?" Moreover, did George not do his duty for his country by risking his life as a fighter pilot—before he was grounded and deserted—to keep Texas safe from foreign invaders, while the sons of less fortunate families died in Vietnam?
Did not George and his "lovely" wife, Laura—who surely was doing God's work in ridding His earthly kingdom of a potential "evil doer" when she rammed her car into her boyfriend's and killed him—obey God's command to procreate and thereby produce "lovely" twin daughters who are following in their father's footsteps?
Surely, put in these terms, you can see the error of our ways. Should we not, therefore, heed the divine words of George and all those who have cleaved to him—Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Andrew Sullivan, Michael Savage, the good people at the New York Sun, the entire corporate media, even Democrats who want to "liberate" Iraq and beef up the "war on terrorism?
Brother and sister peaceniks, commies, fellow travelers, dupes and all other rabble, can these good people be wrong? How could we be so "unpatriotic" and "un-American?"
Okay, you get sick at the thought of all those innocent Iraqis dying, along with who knows how many young and foolish Americans. But buck up, George says God told him they all will immediately go to Heaven. Now that's not so bad, is it? It almost makes you want to say, "Bring on Armageddon, so we can be "raptured."
Oops, only Christians can be "raptured." And doesn't the Good Book say only 144,000 of them will be "raptured?" Ho-ho, there are going to be some mighty surprised Christians—especially the ones who went to Israel to aid Ariel Sharon in doing his part to start Armageddon. And what about all the others who believe in an afterlife? Will they be left out in the cold? Remember, George once said Jews can't go to Heaven.
Never mind, we are not supposed to worry about such things. It is ours to do and die, not to reason why. That greatly simplifies things, doesn't it? After all, God will provide, won't He? Forget all that stuff about the oppressed becoming the oppressor; that it's easier to put a camel through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into Heaven. Some commies must have slipped that stuff into the Bible when no one was looking, along with the bit about the Son of God having no place to rest his head and the meek inheriting the earth. Pure Marxist trash—of course that was long before Marx's time, a minor point. Don't blame the scribes of yore, though, because they could not read what they dutifully copied.
As hard as it may be for us, we must stop questioning. Thinking and reasoning are "evil." And questioning, thinking and reasoning lead to the most "evil" of all: dissent. We must accept that the Good Shepherd George and his sheep are right and the whole world is wrong.
If we don't change our ways, they will punish us, just as they are going to punish those wine-swilling, cheese-eating French and beer-guzzling, bratwurst chomping Germans. Yuppers, they have a special place in Hell reserved for them. Of course, if we play our cards right, we could join our French and German friends there. The party . . . er, punishment would be complete if they send the Belgians there, too. Imagine, French wines and cheese, German beer and bratwurst, and Belgian chocolates. Can anyone think of a better Heaven . . . er, Hell?
Impeach Bush & Company now! No war(s)! |
