To: calgal who wrote (1411 ) 3/12/2003 12:18:04 AM From: calgal Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 10965 French Fried It's all about oil--and potatoes. BY COLLIN LEVEY Wednesday, March 12, 2003 12:01 a.m. EST URL:http://www.opinionjournal.com/columnists/clevey/?id=110003186 Welcome to the trans-Atlantic food fight. Yesterday, while Jacques Chirac was wagging his veto finger, Republican lawmakers in Washington officially decreed that the quintessential American hamburger has no business sharing a plate with greasy Gallic potatoes. French fries will henceforth be known as "freedom fries" in the House cafeteria. Breakfast will offer "freedom toast." What will become of frankfurters, Peking duck and Russian dressing is anyone's guess. According to Rep. Bob Ney (R., Ohio), admittedly of French descent himself, the rechristening was meant to "show the strong displeasure with the actions of our so-called ally, France." Signs went up around the House office buildings advertising the patriotic menu change. The renaming will surely send Parisians into a fit of muttering at their croissants about zee moost reediculous Americans. (The French Embassy sneered that french fries are actually from Belgium, a show of contempt for the axis of weasels' junior member.) But the image of our erstwhile allies with some freedom-toast batter on their face does the heart good. Freedom fries got their start in a North Carolina restaurant called Cubbies. The Choo Choo Grill in Grand Rapids, Mich., soon followed suit, pairing them with a "Liberty Burger." Palm Beach, Fla., county commissioner Burt Aaronson even proposed a resolution to officially change the potatoes' name. Renaming things to suit political fashion is a favorite hobby in this country: We rename airports after presidents, bridges after basketball stars, and sports teams after anything but Indian tribes. The political subcultures of college campuses rename minority groups every third Wednesday of the full moon--Oriental Studies becomes Far Eastern Studies becomes East Asian studies. Companies have entered the renaming game in recent years to cleanse themselves of political taint as well. Phillip Morris rebranded its holding company Altria, presumably to wash the smell of smoke from its corporate fingers; Andersen Consulting has become Accenture, the better to distance itself from accounting scandals. And Amoco's merger with British Petroleum resulted in changing the signs in the U.S. to the enviro-friendly looking yellow-and-green BP, accompanied by cheerful clean-air slogans. Why not Germane Chocolate Cake? The media will have fun with the new patriotic potatoes, but there's a bigger point underlying the barrage of late-night jokes and caustic Web sites at French expense: We finally get to trash-talk our stuck-up cousins. A Web site called francesucks.net posts an apocryphal Mark Twain quote: "France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France." A faux magazine cover called "Soldiers of Surrender" promoted an article on "White Flags: New Technology That Could Save Your Life!" ScrappleFace.com "reports" that Congress's cafeterias are also renaming chicken-fried steak "French-fried steak" and will keep French dip on the menu. The French have had it coming for a while. But while they lingered for years as Americans' least favorite nationality, no one could really figure out why. In recent weeks, Mr. Chirac and Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin have helped everyone pin the tail on the baudet. Watching Algerian crowds rally around the president of their former colonial master explicitly for spitting on the U.S. was more than enough for Americans to toss their brie out the window. Now if only McDonald's could start feeding Parisian teens some freedom fries. Ms. Levey is an assistant features editor of The Wall Street Journal's editorial page. Her column appears on alternate Wednesdays.