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Pastimes : CNBC -- critique. -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jeff Jordan who wrote (12035)	3/19/2003 7:05:32 AM
From: sandintoes	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 17683

Our troops are moving into the DMZ....

To: Jeff Jordan who wrote (12035)	3/21/2003 1:08:34 AM
From: Goodale	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 17683

The French Military Go to Google.com google.com Type in the search terms, "French military victories". Click "I'm feeling Lucky". Results- "Did you mean French military defeats?" Gallic Wars – The French not only lost….they lost to an Italian. Hundred Years War – Although they kinda/sorta mostly lost, they were saved by Joan of Arc (a female schizophrenic) who by accident created The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Italian Wars – France became the first and only country in history to lose not just one, but TWO wars against Italians. Wars of Religion - France was 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. Thirty Years War – Although not technically a principal, they did manage to get invaded anyway. Amusingly they claim a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring them. War of Devolution – Tied The Dutch War - Tied. War of the Augsburg League – Lost/claimed tie. King William's War – Lost/claimed tie. French and Indian War – Lost/claimed tie. Three ties in a row caused some deluded folks to label the period as the height of French military power. War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. American Revolution - In a Scribean foreshadow of the future, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw way more action. This is eventually known as "de Gaulle Syndrome". It also establishes Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. World War I - Tied and on the way to losing. France was saved by the United States. World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain. War in Indochina – Lost Algerian Rebellion - Lost. The first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades. It gave birth to the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. War on Terrorism – France has surrendered to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.