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Politics : America Under Siege: The End of Innocence -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: calgal who wrote (22076)	3/20/2003 10:45:05 AM
From: calgal	Respond to of 27666

URL:http://www.jewishworldreview.com/0303/borowitz.html U.S. offers Saddam look-alikes amnesty, surgery to look like Cheney Andy Borowitz Cheney look-alikes would give little-seen veep added mobility newsandopinion.com \| The U.S. today blanketed Baghdad with pamphlets offering all Saddam Hussein look-alikes in Iraq unconditional amnesty and plastic surgery to make them resemble Vice President Dick Cheney. The leaflets, featuring photos of both the Iraqi strongman and the U.S. Vice-President, contained the following message: "Why look like this… when you could look like THIS?" It is the Bush administration's hope that many of the Saddam look-alikes, estimated to number in the tens of thousands, will jump at the chance for a better life as Cheney look-alikes. While the administration refused to be specific about how the Cheney look-alikes might be used, it is believed that they would be dispatched to ribbon-cutting ceremonies and state fairs, and that they might also hit the campaign trail for Republican congressional candidates. Additionally, the Cheney look-alikes could enable the Vice President himself to make more appearances, currently limited to a once-a-month visit to "Meet the Press" in which he makes frightening pronouncements to the nation before disappearing again. In other news, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences said that Sunday's Oscar ceremony would go on as planned, and that al Qaeda lieutenant Khalid Sheikh Mohammed would be forced to watch it in its entirety. A spokesman for the Academy said that Oscar winners would be encouraged to make their acceptance speeches as long as they want in the hopes of wearing down the terror mastermind, who will be strapped to a chair for the duration of the telecast. "If Richard Gere's speech doesn't make him crack, nothing will," the spokesman said.