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To: d:oug who wrote (94268)3/27/2003 12:14:41 AM
From: E. Charters  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 116943
 
Yes, Canadian women are completely covered with a thick coat of matted hair or guard-hairs as they are called. In places I believe that gives way to feathers. In order to be distinguished from the male, they curl their eyelashes with a blow torch, and shave the eyebrow into two with a double-bitted woods axe. They also cut the tops of soup cans and hang them from their ears. "Ladies", as they demand they be called, (watch out for the double bitted axe if you don't) swear only on every other word, and never use the word for female parts, unless they are talking about the Canuckistan IRS. (Those ---ts!) They can also be distinguished by the fact that when using a backhander to get people out of the way, they do not spit on the prostrate offender, but merely give him/her a groin kick with their caulked boots. They also may affect a pastel flower design, or lace cuffs on their logging shirt, and the cigars they smoke are almost always less than .687 inches in diameter. When wrassling bear, they use a left hand throw, and will sometime call for an assistant to hand them an electric mace. This is not a sign of weakness, they just enjoy not fighting fair. A sure sign you have ladies at your table in the sawdust fighting pits you people call lounges, is that they never break the necks off beer bottles to drink from, and will not use their teeth for an opener. They prefer instead to use the teeth of any person passing by, and then give him a tip. The tip is to watch he does not get too close or it may go bad. This is generally good advice.

EC<:-}