To: A. Geiche who wrote (384004 ) 4/2/2003 11:00:38 AM From: username Respond to of 769670 Exclusive: Unnamed Source Denies Martian Casualties by: A. Geiche, Martian News War Correspondent Outer Space, 2 April 2003--Reports of Martians killing dozens of Iraqi Republican Guard innocent women and children fighters yesterday inflamed unnamed sources in correctional facilities and mental institutions nowhere near the battlefield outside Baghdad. Tensions inside the institutions, already high, were taken to the breaking point as unnamed sources close to the unnamed sources claimed that there were no signs of Martians anywhere near Earth. A highly placed truthful unnamed source in Baghdad denied the claim of of an unnamed night vision equipment source, saying, while crouched under a blood covered table not used to torture Iraqi Olympic athletes with cattle prods in the Ministry of Total Denial of Torture's sub-basement under the Happy and Productive Baby Milk Factory, saying most truthfully, "These evil foreign invader terrorist torturers are liars and they are making all these bad things up just to try and get our sand. I mean the part about the torture, not the part about the Martians. The Martians are infidels and will face certain death. They should go back to their own planet and not interfere with our Olympic training exercises." The highly placed truthful unnamed source in Baghdad continued,"I don't understand how you fine, loyal, independent journalists don't see the truth. We are humble and holy fellows, and the US/UK leaders are duping everyone with their lies. They have no intelligence, and they started this aggression because they want to use our oil on Mars. When they get here in a day or two, they will plant thousands of decomposed dead bodies in shallow graves and throw Red Cross infidel blood tainted with AIDS all over our training facilities and exercise chambers. We already know the Martian infidel invaders are flying in many banned weapons such as enough anthrax to kill every human being on the planet to plant in our schools and hospitals, we can see it on your television broadcasts every so often. "The coward infidels won't find any chemical or biological weapons here at the Olympic training facilities except the ones they bring from their home planet" continued the highly places and truthful unnamed source, "They also have hundreds of thin people who have been trained to speak our language that they are going to plant in the torture chambers that we don't have and never did. You, and everyone else who is helping us fight these invaders knows this, it is easy to see if you just drift off into a psychotic fantasy world and look! We certainly appreciate your bringing all this to the attention of the other loyal believers by posting our message of peace and truth on the Internet." "The green guys on television are not Martians, you moron", claimed a Martian using the code name 'Ollie' who claimed to be close to the Martians claiming to be ordinary Marines with night vision equipment but who is in reality a Martian dressed up in a Marine uniform, "they are green because the journalists are filming at night with night vision equipment. Thank God you are too demented to figure out what is really happening, because you might accidentally guess the actual truth and put it on television. And by the way, if I find your sorry ass or any of your pals when the Marines get to Baghdad, I'm going to personally strangle each and every one of you for endangering our lives." An unnamed source claiming to be close to an unnamed source in the same restaurant as an unnamed source in the Pentagon correctly and truthfully observed, "The Martians are continuing to deny their existence today, and we can only continue to be assured that they will run away like mad dogs and die in large numbers, along with their allies, thanks to our insignificant efforts to stop the advance of freedom, of which yours are most valued.">>>>