To: calgal who wrote (34919 ) 4/10/2003 5:20:38 PM From: calgal Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 59480 Andy Borowitz CHIRAC: VICTORY IS OURS! Praises French role in coalition newsandopinion.com | French President Jacques Chirac took to the airwaves today to praise the French role in Operation Iraqi Freedom, pronouncing, "Victory is ours." In a national address, Mr. Chirac praised the French people, soldiers and politicians for their "steadfastness and bravery as part of this glorious international coalition." He also had warm words for the Iraqi people, telling them, "We French come not as conquerors, but as liberators." Mr. Chirac, his eyes welling with tears at various points of his speech, said he was "deeply moved" by scenes of jubilation in Baghdad, adding, "When I saw the Iraqi people celebrating, I knew that France's hard work and sacrifice had been worth it." But in Washington, Secretary of State Colin Powell took issue with the French President's statements, saying, "If he thinks he was part of this coalition, then I'm Ally McBeal." But Mr. Powell's harsh words seemed to do little to dampen the spirits of Mr. Chirac, who this afternoon rode in a victory parade down Paris's Champs Elysee. Told of Mr. Powell's remarks, the French President merely laughed, saying, "Nothing like a little joke between comrades in arms. I am proud to have fought side by side with that nut!" Meanwhile, in Baghdad, celebrating citizens witnessed in horror as a seventy-foot statue of Saddam Hussein fell on top of Fox News correspondent Geraldo Rivera, squishing him. Mr. Rivera, who had been kicked out of Iraq a week earlier, had sneaked back in and was about to broadcast the precise location of the gigantic statue when it fell on him. URL:http://www.jewishworldreview.com/0403/borowitz.html