To: Ilaine who wrote (94982 ) 4/19/2003 4:01:23 PM From: Sun Tzu Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 281500 I have a very good Moroccan friend. She is been living here since early 20s and has a couple of Ph D. and a few Masters including some in EE and Telecom. She has provided me with some very interesting insights into Islam. It may surprise you that when I debate issues with her, I am the one who comes across as anti-Islamic. There is a lot of things she agrees to which you would never guess if you had presented them to an American woman. Among them are the issues of hijab and polygamy. With regards to hijab (which by the way she does not observe) her point was that it is a matter of personal choice. And that among other things, it frees many women from having to spend too much time and money on their looks. It seems that many Islamist women are angry their "liberated" sisters because they have taken the attitude that by the virtue of flaunting it out and showing off the latest European fashion they feel superior than the rest. Often times they take it upon themselves to humiliate those who have chosen the more traditional path. Naturally this has led to sharp hostilities between the two sides. But unlike what you may think, it is not the men who are the biggest force against the "liberated" women; the sisterhood is greatly engaged in its own civil war. With regards to polygamy, she pointed out that Islam's view of marriage is a contractual and not some oath to God. As a result the woman sets whatever conditions she likes on paper before she gets married. As well, unlike what many in America think, not every Muslim man has his own private harem in which he holds orgies every night. The man's obligations are extensive which means even when his first wife has not excluded him from taking in another woman, for the most parts he is unable to convince another woman to join him. What is more, those who have multiple wives house them in separate domains and are obligated to divide their time equally among them. No orgies. And, it is very common for the first wife to help her husband in choosing a second one. As it turns out, my friend's father had two wives. The first one could not get pregnant and helped her husband to choose a second one. So long as he was alive, the women collaborated in their duties. When the man died, the women divided the tasks so that one ran the business and the other took care of the kids. Surprisingly, it was the natural mother who went to run the business and the first wife was the one who took care of her kids. To this day the children call both of them "mom" and honor both of them. What this story tells me is that not every polygamy is the horror story I always hear in America. Clearly in other cultures it fills a need for both men and women. I am still to see a feminist who has been willing to look to see if there are legitimate uses for polygamy in the middle east before she condemns as barbaric and male chauvinistic...and yes, it can also be abused just like everything else. ST