here is a joke about SARS and FeiDian
Comic Relief
Wed, Apr 30 2003
An American guy teaching English in mainland China wakes up alone from a nine-hour sleep and finds he has a high fever, cough, and a throbbing headache. Although every impulse tells him to stay in bed, he knows he has to get some help. Without anybody to call, he gathers enough energy to step outside on to the street just outside his apartment.
“Hey buddy, can ya help me? I think I might have SARS,” he says to some Chinese guy. His only response is a blank stare.
“Oh great, does anybody speak English!” He yells.
“HA-LOW” come some cackles. A guy in the taxis calls out “TAK-SEEE”.
Now the American, in his stupor, remembers all those months spent in the classroom and the lessons he’s learned and experiece he has, and musters up the energy to make his next attempt at communicating with those Chinese with little to no English.
“I ... MAYBE ... SARS ... GO ... HOSPITAL.”
By now an entire crowd has gathered around him, as if he were some famous movie star walking down the street. Gawking, smiling, they were all far too close for comfort, even if he wasn’t sick. But no one had any clue what he was saying.
Just then an older lady found compassion for the obviously struggling American and walks up to him.
“NO ... I ... SARS ... NO,” the American says, not wanting to infect anybody.
The crowd grumbles, repeating the words with some gleaning of recognition. No, no, they all agree, there’s no way he means he wants to kill them. It sounded like he just said “shasi,” “kill” in Chinese, but that couldn’t be what he meant. He looked as if he had just gotten out of bed, after all.
“Shasi?” He thinks he hears. Okay, he figures, Chinese don’t say “sars,” they shasi. Just like they don’t say hello, they say “HA-LOW” and how they don’t say “A-B-C” they say “Aay Bay Cay”. Sha si. Close enough. Fine.
“I ... SHASI ... YOU.” He yells wildly, motioning everyone to give him some air, losing patience by the moment.
People jump back from him immediately, and the American, thinking he’s made some headway, continues:
“YES YES SHASI.” He smiles, trying to make friends with those who might help him.
Just then a police officer approaches, wearing only sunglasses and a hat, no mask or gloves. The American, distraught, tries to make clear to the officer what he just told everybody else. He musters up all the Chinglish he’s learned in the past few months and utters:
“I ... GIVE YOU ... SHASI”
***
Hours later, after being dragged to the police station, the anxiety and stress from the illness being too much, he fell fast asleep.
Hours later, he woke up and felt like a hundred bucks. He rose from the table, stretched his legs, and smiled to himself for the remarkably quick recovery.
Yet those in the same room who saw him wake up had soon gathered around him. Annoyed by the sudden crowd, the American asked aloud, “Why is everyone crowding me so much these days?”
“Excuse me, sir,” an interpreter spoke up, “Everyone is concerned that you want to kill some people.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I don’t want to kill anybody,” he answers. “I thought I had SARS, that’s all.”
“FEIDIAN!” shrieked the interpreter, and everyone finally gave him all the space he wanted.
Posted at 08:21 PM | Comments (0)
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