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Politics : Stockman Scott's Political Debate Porch -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Clappy who wrote (18636)5/1/2003 9:31:04 PM
From: C Nelson Reilly  Read Replies (5) | Respond to of 89467
 
(REUTERS) Wasabi Dhoobi (05/01/03) - Afghani drug farmers are predicting an unusually large harvest in the first full growing season since the redundant bombing of their country in the wake of the various patriotic American wars being waged on terrorism, drugs, poverty, Saddam, Iraq, the Axis, the economy, Osama, the environment, world peace, common sense, and various forms of cholesterol and excessive phat.

Independent advanced chemical research analyst C Nelson Reilly has determined that a potent hybrid strain of hashish has been developed for shipment to the United States. If deployed properly in a karaoke bar in the Midwest the damage could only be imagined in the hallucinatory visions of a narcotically infected warbler of Sedaka ditties.

"I'm personally testing and quantifying the effects of this vicious inbred goopha mutation," chortled Mr. Reilly. "The key ingredient is uranium. The locals call it DUH! - Depleted Uranium Hashish. It’s hard to light but it made my night! I just confessed! I do not jest! That shit put a lung fungus on my chest!"

Mr. Reilly has been known to “break out in freaky rhyme" from time to time. The intelligence impairing influence of the terrifying radioactive psychogen became more apparent the longer he spoke and toked:

“Baghdad? Did
Dad ever buy a bag?
He used to mooch my hooch
like a crazy old douche
bag, Dad did.”

After apologizing for the lamentable lameness of his lysergic lyrics, C Nelson continued to take deep draws off a pilfered handmade hookah liberated from a mangled museum in the Mideast. “ I’m gonna party like it’s 1999 or 19.95 plus shipping and handling! Look at those tracers – wait, I think those are missiles. I have a weapons-grade buzz on! I’m insane in the membrane! Was Coltrane on Soul Train? Jesus died for my sin and drank my gin! It’s a coalition of munitions attrition! Mass destruction is a tax deduction!”

Mr. Reilly’s main concern about the potent Islamic hashish being unleashed on the American public is the projected stupefication of people that can ill afford the Fox network-like loss of objective reality. “Certain Republican think tanks and NASCAR fans are highly prone to ridicule by unscrupulous citizens that can’t believe that pre-emptive war and high speed driving in a circle are natural human activities. If I had a hammer I’d hammer in the morning, I’d hammer in the evening, I’d hammer Ann Coulter’s wet weapon cache until her bulimia weakened pelvis shattered in a glorious display of American firepower and goodwill towards all men.”

C Nelson could not be reached for comment even though he was there the whole time.

dictionary.reference.com



To: Clappy who wrote (18636)5/1/2003 9:52:59 PM
From: Sully-  Respond to of 89467
 
President says 'difficult work' remains

May 1, 2003

BY SCOTT LINDLAW ASSOCIATED PRESS

ABOARD THE USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN-- President Bush, on an aircraft carrier homebound from the Persian Gulf, told the nation Thursday that Saddam Hussein's defeat "is one victory in a war on terror" that still goes on.

"Major combat operations in Iraq have ended," the president said from the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln, which sent thousands of jets into war.

Bush flew to the carrier on a Navy jet and made a screeching stop as his plane was snagged by a cable stretched across the deck. It was an apparent presidential first; traditionally they use helicopters to visit aircraft carriers.

"The liberation of Iraq is a crucial advance in the campaign against terror," the president said.

Bush sought to give the nation a closure to the fighting while avoiding a sweeping claim of overall victory. He said much still needed to be done, including bringing order to the country, finding weapons of mass destruction, creating a democratic government and pursuing leaders of the fallen regime, including Saddam.

"The battle of Iraq is one victory in a war on terror that began on Sept. 11, 2001, and still goes on," he said.

Bush stopped short of declaring victory or an end to the war. Such declarations could trigger international laws requiring the speedy release of prisoners of war, limiting efforts to go after deposed Iraqi leaders and designating the United States as an occupying power.

The USS Abraham Lincoln, returning from the Persian Gulf, was about 30 miles from San Diego when Bush landed. A former pilot, he got a turn at the controls, flying about a third of the way. Bush emerged in a green flight suit, carrying his helmet, and shouted to reporters, "Yes, I flew it!" He said he had only steered the plane "straight ahead" and wasn't tempted to try to land it.

It was a made-for-television day sure to be replayed during Bush's re-election campaign. With a wide grin, the president lingered on the deck with crew members, shaking hands and posing for pictures. "Good job," he shouted to sailors. The ship was slowed so Bush could spend the night on board before it docked on Friday, officials said. He watched dozens of fighters roar off the ship one last time on the way to home bases.

The president's speech marked the end of combat in Iraq and a refocusing on the ailing economy at home.

With the shores of California in sight, Bush said dangerous work also remains in Afghanistan. Hours earlier, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said major combat had ended in that country, where U.S. troops had routed the Taliban months ago.

"In the battle of Afghanistan, we destroyed the Taliban, many terrorists, and the camps where they trained," he said. "We continue to help the Afghan people lay roads, restore hospitals and educate all of their children. Yet we also have dangerous work to complete."

"And as I speak, a special operations task force, led by the 82nd Airborne, is on the trail of terrorists, and those who seek to undermine the free government of Afghanistan. America and our coalition will finish what we began," he said.

The focus on his speech was Iraq.

"We are helping to rebuild Iraq, where the dictator built palaces for himself instead of hospitals and schools for the people. The transition from dictatorship to democracy will take time, but it is worth every effort."

"Our coalition will stay until our work is done," he said without specifying the timeline.

The president cast the Iraq war as but one phase of the overall fight against terrorism.

"From Pakistan to the Philippines to the Horn of Africa, we are hunting down al-Qaida killers," Bush said. "The liberation of Iraq is a crucial advance in the campaign against terror. We have removed an ally of al-Qaida and cut off a source of terrorist funding."

suntimes.com



To: Clappy who wrote (18636)5/1/2003 9:53:54 PM
From: Sully-  Respond to of 89467
 
Bush Says Major Combat Over in Iraq

One Victory in Terror War

By Richard Keil and Heidi Przybyla aboard the Lincoln and
Aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1 (Bloomberg) -- U.S. President George W. Bush said major military operations in Iraq are over, claiming ``one victory'' in the global fight against terrorism and the spread of weapons of mass destruction.

``The liberation of Iraq is a crucial advance in the campaign against terror,'' Bush said in a speech aboard the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln, steaming back to San Diego tomorrow after combat missions in the Persian Gulf.

``We have difficult work to do in Iraq,'' Bush said. ``The transition from dictatorship to democracy will take time, but it is worth every effort. Our coalition will stay until our work is done. Then we will leave, and we will leave behind a free Iraq.''

The U.S. is at odds with France and Russia over how much say the United Nations should have in rebuilding Iraq, which has the world's second largest oil reserves. France and Russia opposed the war and want the UN to play a central role in postwar Iraq. The U.S. wants to limit the UN to an advisory role.

``Iraq is the major foreign policy enterprise of the first Bush term,'' said Michael O'Hanlon, a Brookings Institution foreign policy analyst. Bush's speech is a ``victory lap.''

Bush's speech signals a shift in focus to helping Iraq restore essential services, revive its economy and install a democratic government after 35 years of dictatorship.

``We are bringing order to parts of that country that remain dangerous. We are pursuing and finding leaders of the old regime, who will be held to account for their crimes,'' Bush said. ``We have begun the search for hidden chemical and biological weapons, and already know of hundreds of sites that will be investigated.''

Weapons Search

So far the U.S. hasn't found such weapons in Iraq. The arms hunt will take months, U.S. Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage said yesterday. ``The evidence of Saddam Hussein's programs is likely to be spread across many hundreds and even possibly thousands of sites in Iraq,'' Armitage said.

Bush stopped short of declaring a formal end to the Iraq war. The Geneva Convention, an international code of conduct for wars and military conflict, generally requires that victorious armies stop targeting enemy leaders and release prisoners of war.

The coalition has in custody 15 of the 55 most-wanted Iraqi leaders. Hussein's fate is unknown after he was targeted in two air attacks during the war, one when the conflict began March 20 in Baghdad and again on April 7.

U.S. troops will remain a long time to help rebuild Iraq and establish a foundation for democracy, said William Taylor, a national security analyst at the Center for Strategic and International Studies. ``The war was the easy part; now the hard part comes,'' Taylor said.

War on Terror

Bush and his aides long have painted the Iraq war as part of a broader battle against terrorism since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks by Osama bin Laden's al-Qaeda network.

``The battle of Iraq is one victory in a war on terror that began on Sept. 11, 2001, and still goes on,'' said Bush.

The president has said the arrest in Pakistan of Waleed bin Attash, a Yemeni national also known as Tawfiq Attash or Khallad, who the U.S. alleges was connected to the 2000 bombing of the USS Cole, is a significant find.

``From Pakistan to the Philippines to the Horn of Africa, we are hunting down al-Qaeda killers,'' Bush said tonight. ``No terrorist network will gain weapons of mass destruction from the Iraqi regime, because that regime is no more.''

Terror Attacks Decline

The U.S. ``is chipping away'' at terrorism, Taylor said. The number of attacks worldwide declined in 2002, the State Department reported yesterday. There were 199 terror attacks last year, down 44 percent from 355 in 2001, which included Sept. 11.

Attacks against U.S. interests worldwide also declined to 77 last year from 219 in 2001, the department said. The decline in part reflected a reduction in the number of pipe bombings in Colombia, which fell to 41 from 178, the department said.

Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking to the Heritage Foundation earlier today in Washington, set the stage for Bush's speech, comparing the U.S. military's performance in Iraq this year with the 1991 war to evict Saddam Hussein from neighboring Kuwait.

This time, Cheney said, the U.S.-led coalition ousted Hussein's regime from power in far larger Iraq using half the ground forces and two-thirds of the air power.

``The United States and her allies have prevailed,'' Bush said. ``The tyrant has fallen, and Iraq is free.''

Bush arrived aboard the Lincoln by a S-3B Viking jet, a four- seat airborne refueler dubbed ``Navy One'' for the presidential flight and marked ``George W. Bush, commander in chief.''

The president sat in the co-pilot's seat and flew the plane for about a third of the 30-minute flight, telling reporters he ``just steered it straight.'' It was the first time Bush piloted a jet since serving in the Texas Air National Guard in 1968-73, spokesman Ari Fleischer said.

The nuclear-powered ship's 10-month deployment was the longest for a carrier in 30 years. Bush's plane and another S-3B performed two flybys before landing on the Lincoln as the vessel steamed toward San Diego.

`Good Job'

After landing, Bush mingled on the deck with pilots who flew the Lincoln's F-18 fighter jets over Iraq, shaking hands and telling them, ``Good job.'' The ship's F-18s dropped almost 1.2 million pounds of ordnance on Iraq, destroying tanks, Baath party buildings and other leadership targets, the White House said.

Bush is spending the night aboard the Lincoln, a floating city of 5,000 that has its own Zip code. Before dining with sailors, Bush watched from the bridge as some Navy pilots' planes roared off for their home bases across the U.S.

The 20,000 meals served daily during this deployment included more than 42,000 gallons of milk, 27,000 pounds of steak, 29,000 pounds of hamburger and 2,403 gallons of ice cream. Dentists performed about 227 root canals for sailors on board.

``The docs really like to go after these guys,'' said public affairs officer John Daniels. ``After all, it's not like they can get away.''

Last Updated: May 1, 2003 21:05 EDT

quote.bloomberg.com