HWL..I'd never heard of Doc Farmer, so I had to look him up, and look what I found...
Doc Farmer's ''The Little Red Hen - Redux''"
Posted by Doc Farmer
Monday, March 31, 2003
One fine day Dubya found a Nasty Terrorist.
''A nasty terrorist!'' said Dubya to himself. ''I will stop him from harming others.'' He asked his friend, the Carter: ''Will you help me stop the Nasty Terrorist?'' ''Not I,'' said the Carter.
He asked his friend, the Clinton: ''Will you help me stop the Nasty Terrorist?''
''Not I,'' said the Clinton.
He asked his friend, the Daschle: ''Will you help me stop the Nasty Terrorist?''
''Not I,'' said the Daschle.
He asked his friend, the Democrats: ''Will you help me stop the Nasty Terrorist?''
''Not I,'' said the Democrats.
He asked his friend, the UN: ''Will you help me stop the Nasty Terrorist?''
''Not I,'' said the UN.
He asked his friend, the Germans: ''Will you help me stop the Nasty Terrorist?''
''Not I,'' said the Germans.
He asked his friend, the Belgians: ''Will you help me stop the Nasty Terrorist?''
''Not I,'' said the Belgians.
He asked his friend, the French: ''Will you help me stop the Nasty Terrorist?''
''Not I,'' said the French.
''Then I will stop them myself,'' said Dubya. And he did.
Soon after, he found that a very bad man named Saddam was making terrible weapons. The world told him to stop, but he did not. This made Dubya very angry, and even more worried. He went to his friends for help.
''Will you make Saddam stop making those terrible weapons, which he will use to hurt my country?'' he asked.
''Not I,'' said the Carter.
''No controlling legal authority,'' said the Clinton.
''It's all Rush Limbaugh's fault anyway,'' said the Daschle.
''You really didn't win the election,'' said the DNC.
''We must find a way to peacefully coexist,'' said the UN.
''You are just flexing your imperialist muscle,'' said the Germans.
''How dare you put the European Union at risk with your cowboy ways,'' said the Belgians.
''We must give the inspectors more time,'' said the French.
''Very well, I'll put troops around his country to help him disarm himself,'' said Dubya. And he did.
Not long after that, Saddam allowed inspectors back into his country. But Saddam was very naughty, and lied to the world about the bad things he was hiding. This made Dubya even angrier, and even more worried. He went again to his friends. ''Will you agree to another resolution to make the bad man be good?'' he asked.
''Sorry, I'm on my way to Stockholm,'' said the Carter.
''Sorry, I'm busy badmouthing you in other countries,'' said the Clinton.
''We'll give you political support, but only because we don't want to get trashed in the November elections,'' said the Daschle.
''Naw, we'll just tell lies about you--Hillary told us to,'' said the DNC.
''Only if the Security Council gives you an unanimous vote,'' said the UN.
''Only if you don't reveal we've been sending weapons to Iraq,'' said the Germans.
''Only if you buy more waffles from us,'' said the Belgians.
''Only if you leave our $60 billion oil contracts intact,'' said the French.
''Very well, I'll get the unanimous vote of the Security Council,'' said Dubya. And he did.
Months passed, and Saddam told more lies and made more bad things and hid and hurt people, and Dubya's friends did nothing to stop Saddam. He went one last time to his friends. ''Will you join me in a military action to destroy Saddam's terrible weapons and bring freedom to millions of innocent Iraqis?'' asked Dubya?
''You've no right to go in there. By the way, why aren't you paying attention to North Korea? It's your fault,'' said the Carter.
''A little bit lower, baby, yeah, Yeah, YEAH! Shucks, all over the dress again! Well, want a cigar?'' said the Clinton.
''How could we have lost the Senate? I just don't understand what went wrong? It's Rush Limbaugh's fault again!'' said the Daschle.
''Sorry, but we were just kidding about that last resolution. We didn't mean what we said,'' said the UN.
''You're like Hitler,'' said the Germans.
''We're boring and unimportant, but we're European so we're better than you,'' said the Belgians.
''We know Saddam is bad, but you're worse for wanting to stop him,'' said the French.
''Very well,'' said Dubya, ''I'll stop him anyway.'' And Dubya called a lot of his friends. Who were REAL friends. Who understood that they needed to stop the nasty man with his terrible weapons. And Dubya found out he had LOTS more friends than the news media were letting on.
And they went to stop Saddam. And they did.
After the war, the people of Iraq were free. And they were happy to be free. But their country had suffered for many years under the mean rule of their nasty leader. So they needed help to rebuild.
''Who should help in the rebuilding effort?'' asked Dubya.
''I'll go to build new homes and verify free and fair elections,'' said the Carter.
''I'll go to badmouth Dubya some more, and to sponsor Wet T-Shirt Nights at Planet Hollywood Baghdad,'' said the Clinton.
''Like hell you will,'' said his wife.
''How could we possibly lose the Senate? It just makes no sense. I'll bet that bitch Katherine Harris is involved somehow. And Rush Limbaugh too,'' said the Daschle.
''We demand all the Iraqis be registered as Democrats,'' said the DNC.
''The UN drafted all of those resolutions, so the country should be run by us,'' said the UN.
''We must help rebuild the country, and hide all those weapons we sold them before you find them,'' said the Germans.
''We must sell them lots of sprouts so they can be healthy like us,'' said the Belgians.
''We must bring in our Total/Fina pipelines so that we can have all of their oil,'' said the French.
And Dubya looked at all of them.
''Fie on you, and the horse you rode in on,'' said Dubya. ''All of you can go straight to perdition.''
And they did.
And Dubya, and his REAL friends, helped the people of Iraq become free and prosperous.
And they all lived, happily, ever after.
Except for the Carter, Clinton, Daschle, the DNC, the UN, Germany, Belgium, France, and Terrorism. But then again, who cares about them anyway?
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Doc Farmer is a witty American freelance writer who lives and works in Doha, Qatar. |
